I had a break down today. When I went to pick my girls up after church their teacher told me they have been having problems the last few weeks with the girls behavior (which I have noticed at home too). They told me if I needed someone to talk to that there were a lot of people at church willing to listen and help me out if I needed it (which is great). Then we went into the worship hall on the way out and my daughter broke loose from my son's hand (I had the other twin) and went running up on stage and instead of telling her to come back my son went running after her laughing and yelling I was very embarassed. I go up there as fast as I can pulling my other daughter behind me because I didn't want to yell across the church. When we walked out to the van I loaded the kids up turned the A/C on for them then just stood behind the van and bawled my eyes out. I try to feel like I am in so much control of my life and that I really am doing ok. And it's times like these when shit shouldn't really bother me that I just lose it. It's just not fair that he (the ex) gets to run around and do as he pleases, not send any money, not call his children, not send a single Christmas card or present. Some days I just can't take it. I'm lonely and tired of living with my dad (not that I don't appriciate everything he has done for us) it's just so crowded and I want my own room. I need time to just sit by myself sometimes and I can't do that there is always someone else there. I don't have any extra money so I can't even go out once and awhile by myself. I just needed to whine a little I know that there are people that have it much worse then me but that doesn't mean I can't feel bad sometimes too.
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