I'm not sure how to deal with my marriage anymore. I don't want to be with him but still care for him alot a want to remain friends. We have no choldren together. I have two boys and he has one that I will miss terribly through this whole ordeal. I'm not saying I didnt make any mistakes in the marriage (4yrs). I would get tired of his controlling self and leave and go stay with someone else. I havent been able to work since before we got together. So, in his perception, when I leave, everything is his except what I had when I moved to Va to be with him. I gave up my phone, my car and any other monetary possesions to make things cheaper for us to pay the bills. And in his mind, if I leave the relationship, that means nothing. I dont leave with what I came with. He has four cell phones on the account which is in his name and they are all his, even though I gave up my account to make it cheaper. I have use of the phone as long as Im doing what he wants. How is that a marriage? I wanted to be a truck driver so my youngest son and I joined him on the road and that has been since August. He lied to me when we got back together and I came out here with him. I havent had the opportunity to go to school at all. He doesnt want me out of his sight or he thinks I'm doing something wrong. Its just all getting to be to the point that my youngest son and I are going to Ca to stay with my mom awhile. I'm also doing wrong by being on here, Im not supposed to have any friends. I'm supposed to talk to him about things. I have talked to him about these issues and others and he just says that Im wrong. He doesnt want me to leave because he says he loves me so much. I dont feel that its love. I dont know what it is. Ive never been a materialistic person, but I always thought a marriage was equal. Not with him. Its only equal when I do and say and act the way he wants. Im sorry for rambling on, I just cant deal with this alone anymore.
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