Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello everyone,
I'm a newbie to online support groups. I'm hoping to find support from you.
Here's my story:
I've been married for 11 yrs, 2 girls (2 & 7). Learned over this past Labor Day weekend my husband has been having an affair (denies even though I've spoken w/ the OW). In speaking w/ her, I learned they have been 'together' for approx 2.5 yrs. Yes, did you see my youngest daughter is two? She went on to share their plans (she's lives in a diff city and plans to move to ours in early Nov). She described to me how they've planned how she would interact w/ my children. To her defense (at that time), my husband told her we were divorced three years ago. I obviously corrected all the descrepencies in what she had to share. Regardless, through my husband, their plans are in tact. she's scheduled to move in Nov. On a sidenote, know I moved out w/ the girls back in Sept.
I am devasted, I've never been so blindsided, I still feel so much pain.
Tonight, my husband came to visit the girls. He shared his girlfriend paid him a surprise visit and is in town through Sunday. Isn't that sweet? In the same breath, he asked me I would consider taking him back? When I asked what prompted this thought, his reply was 'you're willing to help me more" Is this just crazy? My question to any of you:
If he was so happy, why would the thought of reconciliation come to him? BTW, there's no way (intellectually) that I can consider taking him back. My heart tells me other wise though. The struggle is unbearable.
How can she still want to be in a relationship when its based on lies?
To my knowledge, our marital problems started approx a year ago. Knowing now that he's had an affair for longer than that, I wonder what he was thinking? why keep me and her at the same time? Where's the integrity? I always thought my husband and I had a strong friendship. We dated for four years before considering marriage. He knew how strong my values were- he knew I wanted to marry once.
How do I deal w. the pain when I know mentally going separate ways is the best thing for me? BTW, my girls are doing well. He's been pretty supportive and accessible to them. I do anticipate his accessbility changing once his girlfriend moves, what do you think?
I welcome any thoughts, suggestions, response.
Thank you in advance.
I'm a newbie to online support groups. I'm hoping to find support from you.
Here's my story:
I've been married for 11 yrs, 2 girls (2 & 7). Learned over this past Labor Day weekend my husband has been having an affair (denies even though I've spoken w/ the OW). In speaking w/ her, I learned they have been 'together' for approx 2.5 yrs. Yes, did you see my youngest daughter is two? She went on to share their plans (she's lives in a diff city and plans to move to ours in early Nov). She described to me how they've planned how she would interact w/ my children. To her defense (at that time), my husband told her we were divorced three years ago. I obviously corrected all the descrepencies in what she had to share. Regardless, through my husband, their plans are in tact. she's scheduled to move in Nov. On a sidenote, know I moved out w/ the girls back in Sept.
I am devasted, I've never been so blindsided, I still feel so much pain.
Tonight, my husband came to visit the girls. He shared his girlfriend paid him a surprise visit and is in town through Sunday. Isn't that sweet? In the same breath, he asked me I would consider taking him back? When I asked what prompted this thought, his reply was 'you're willing to help me more" Is this just crazy? My question to any of you:
If he was so happy, why would the thought of reconciliation come to him? BTW, there's no way (intellectually) that I can consider taking him back. My heart tells me other wise though. The struggle is unbearable.
How can she still want to be in a relationship when its based on lies?
To my knowledge, our marital problems started approx a year ago. Knowing now that he's had an affair for longer than that, I wonder what he was thinking? why keep me and her at the same time? Where's the integrity? I always thought my husband and I had a strong friendship. We dated for four years before considering marriage. He knew how strong my values were- he knew I wanted to marry once.
How do I deal w. the pain when I know mentally going separate ways is the best thing for me? BTW, my girls are doing well. He's been pretty supportive and accessible to them. I do anticipate his accessbility changing once his girlfriend moves, what do you think?
I welcome any thoughts, suggestions, response.
Thank you in advance.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I'm sorry to say it sounds like he wants to have both of you, which is of course unacceptable.
If it were me, I would have my custody agreement modified to no opposite sex sleepovers during visitation.
I'm not sure what to tell you. This is a difficult situation and I think you are doing the right things. I would definitely not take him back, unless he could really prove his trustwortiness. I just think he really doesn't want to be with the OW anymore.
My XBF bounced back & forth between the 2 of us for a while until I finally said enough. I feel you and I are both entitled to find someone who is committed to just us and who are not liars.
As for dealing with the pain, I just take it one day at a time and try to keep busy. Like you, I know I should stay away from this man but sometimes I really miss him. I think I miss the man he used to be not the jerk he is now.
You and your girls are entitled to a better life with someone who really cares about all of you. I wish you the best.
I think your husband said a very truthful thing when he said you help him more. It's not that he wants you; he needs you. That's not something you want in your life. You deserve better than that...Your daughters deserve better than that.
I spoke to my husband recently and I let him know that I found a Western Union reciept where the woman he got pregnant during our marriage sent him money. After all of this time I wasn't angry. He said to me that someone had to take care of him because I sure wasn't. My story is cmplicated because my husband and I still love one another. But, that statement changed my entire view of him. It was a pure unadulterated truth. I was q good wife and took care of my husband. I feel he married me because between and another woman I did more for him.
I'm a HUGE advocate of courage under fire and girl power. You can do this. Take your time and figure out what YOU want. You're hearts gonna get beat up more and more. Your spirits gonna take a major pounding. But you can do this. Be honest with yourself. Through my marriage I learned that the hardest thing to be is honest with myself. A lot of the times we ignore the truth because it doesn't make sense and we think of what others would think of our truth.
You husband wants to have his care and eat it too. You don't have to settle for being a slice yhou can be the whole cake.
We're here for you.
I have accepted that what I want out of our relationship and what he wants are just two different things.
It is hard to take someone back when there is lying involved. I can honestly say for 26 years of my marriage, my husband never lied, but the last 2 years has been hard... the betrayal and love for this other woman are hard for me to bear.
But it is confusing for me when he says he doesn't need a divorce.
Regardless we are getting a divorce.
Good luck to you.