Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Bitterness

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am still on my journey thru this pending divorce. Not quite sure what stage I am in, but I still find there is still some bitterness in my heart for my stbx.

I don't like to feel this way - but it still finds a way to manifest itself someway and somehow.

I have dreams at least 2 or 3 times a week involving my stbx and in them I am clearly bitter at her. Mad at her for taking my son out of my life, and mad about moving him away from me.

She has been very cooperative up to this point. I should be thankful she is not giving me a hard time...

So....the question...how many of you were bitter towards a former spouse, and how did you overcome it....

Thanks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was very bitter toward stbx and you may not like the answer as to how to get over it but I had to forgive him for myself and let it/him go and I have total peace.

That does not mean that I get sad sometimes or hate the situation I'm in but I no longer have any bitterness toward him b/c I know that it would have ultimately eaten away at me and would have had no effect on him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
that's my fear - it will eat away at me...

how long did this process last? months? years?
deleted_user
deleted_user
somehow I feel more bitter towards myself...for being powerless in all this...as if I could ever do anything! I know that I couldn't. but bitterness is there whether you want it or not
deleted_user
deleted_user
The bitterness is there. And at times, it still rears it's ugly head. But over the last several months, I have started thinking about how grateful I am to have had him in my life. How grateful I am for the good times, and for my children. And since he decided to leave, I realized I am enough without him and I love him enough to let him go. I think this is the path to true healing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too found that bitterness lessens if you forgive. That doesn't mean you can forget. What little I have left is only because most of what I went through was needless, had he only been more open and honest. It's taken me a while to get here though. Nine months since I moved out and away.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel very bitter towards my ex at the moment and im frightened this is all im going to feel. so i am trying to forgive him. And let him go. Its really hard work. I feel if i dont do this. I will waste more years on him. I deserve to be happy and content.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was bitter for a long time. I started to forgive him, for my own sanity, and what do you know it worked! But that was the time he came back into my life asking for more, so I'm restarting the process again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think bitterness is a natural reaction. i'm so there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understan how you feel. I am very bitter. The anger drives me cracy I hate feeling it, but then if I do not feel angry I am soooooo sad. Anger is better, but I hope some day soon I can be rid of both!
deleted_user
deleted_user
thinking of why all this happened to me in the first place (like that saying everything happens for a reason) and where we'll be at in the next few years helps me not to be bitter or angry. god has better for us even though we can see yet!
deleted_user
deleted_user
As time goes by, the bitterness that I have towards him is subsiding. If anything, I'm starting to feel sorry for him because he couldn't think for himself and allowed his mother to dictate his actions within our marriage. I do have bitterness towards his mother and to be perfectly honest, I don't know how long it's going to take for me to get over this one.
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