Earlier this evening stbx drove by my home, our old homestead together...i was outside in the yard with the girls..he saw us and we got a "BEEEEP" and he crusied on by..perhaps im being oversensitive or more likely over critical as i didn't cry over this one, but, geeeez, we have gotten along fine for the most part. Just saw him earlier this afternoon to pick up 3 of the girls who got off the bus at his folks since i had a later appointment. Just can't understand how you can just drive by and look at your family and beep, if we were totally bitter and scratching each other's eyes out that would be one thing...he wouln't have beeped and i would have flipped him the bird instead of waving..anyway, just seems that the detatchment stage is in full effect...it gives me an ache, but i didn't cry. Tomorrow's his birthday, i did cry about that one, for 13 years i've made a big deal for it...suprise 30th at his fave bar, and big meals and friends lots of thougtful gifts...and now, this year, im just out...that one hurts a lot. Not that my birthday was ever really even celebrated unitl my oldest was old enough to say "mommy needs a cake!", Anyway, just starting to see that time and space is really changing things..not so much for me, id go back to do the dirty work and fix things in a heartbeat. Guess he's really wanting to let go. Strange to say goodbye to a life isn't it?
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...