I still get those brief thoughts that if I could have just handled things better, communicated more, been a better supper mom and wife. Why do I do that? My husband accepts no responsibility for our problems ...He maintains it's all my fault. He set me up so that his affair would be revealed in a timely mannor such that I would kick him out and he would be the martyr. And yet every now and again I go to that place where I should have worked harder on our marriage. Our marriage had huges stressors--sick kids, autism, moving, lost jobs,illness, and my husbands secretive porn addiction. I need a perspective so I stop thinking this. I did the best I could. I asked for counseling, I asked for help, I pooled resources. Still it was no good.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??