I wouldn't even know where to go to meet guys. I'm 51 and haven't been on a date in 31 years.

Give up on actual dating, and focus on you and fun. Take some dance lessons, not to meet at man, but to have fun, then when you least expect it, you'll be a dance one night with your dance class buddies, and meet a great man! That's the way to do it, or it's too much like hard work.

I agree w/ Danni. Go out just to have fun and make new friends. When you least expect it then it will happen. You can't force it.

Couple things to note. Being a single man now, if I meet a woman who's in the "process" of going through a divorce, I will bolt before the check comes. At the same time when I was going through my divorce, I needed validation of my manness that I could secure a date and have a good time. Well, I found faults in each of my dates but in reality, I just wasn't really ready.
I think going the route of learning things you like to do as a single person, will attract you to a person who also may share similar traits. There's no timeline on dating nor is there a rule that says a date must consist of X, Y, or Z.
Enjoy the free time.

I know where to go to meet a guy but where do you go to meet women?

I have known for some time now that I am not going to meet a single woman my own age without hangups or some form of baggage. Hell I got some too so its normal to expect isn't it. Speed dating is probably a good answer. To this problem.

First of all, don't rush it. You might be putting more pressure on yourself than you need at the moment. Friends are definitely a good start. Find some social outing types of activities - hiking group, walking group, darts, bowling, pool...something that you might interesting. Of course, it can be tough doing that. Just some suggestions.

I think that www.meetup.com has some very good groups.. I joined two of them and am having lots of fun making friends.. kimmee

Maybe join one of those activities at meet up dot com. Like a bicycle riding group, or a go to the movies group. Also try singles game night at any church that offers it.

From what I can see, there is not much hope if you are looking to get married. It seems like most over 40 run from marraige, or even the talk of it. Maybe like very good friends is all you may find.

I know thats not the general image of what single life is, but thats the reality of it once you hit a certain age.

Divorce has taken its toll I think. Anyone with substance is not really looking to have it taken away again.

and, be really careful of your heart. it is easy to get caught up in the magic or maybe the need for validation but knowing someone takes time.

Thanks all for your kind words and encouragement. I'm just not being patient with myself. I am one of those people who likes to do many things in addition to my kids. I have signed up for meetup.com and do the movie thing, the salsa thing, the singleparenting thing. Those are fun like you all said. They are hard to fit into my schedule with kids so I went the dating route since I could negotiate when we could get together. However, I am getting into Sailing and my Salsa dance lessons very soon, I'm just being impatient because I DO want to start having some fun. My divorce is wrapping up this month (hopefully - you know attorneys - slow). So I am going to back off of dating. I'm not looking for marriage, just being in love would be good enough for me and finding a life partner eventually would be awesome! I just can't see myself getting into relationship after relationship upon entering my 50's. That just doesn't work for me. I'm really just cheesed today after another bad date and wonder why am I putting myself out there when I know the time is not right for me.

Thanks all for your feedback, I really appreciate it. This divorce and breakup stuff really messes with your head.

It's fine to take a break - do that. Take a nice long one...

..but I'm not a believer in "it will just happen when you're not trying". That might have been true when we were all in our 20s, but here in the mid-40s, I think you just have to keep at it. In a focused, patient, deliberate way that does not involve giving up or quitting and hoping for a miracle. Miracles do happen, but who wants to count on that?

So, take a deep breath, understand that you'll have to be tougher than the competition (i.e., yep, there are some more bad dates ahead), and that even a so-so date that turns into a friendship will make it all worthwhile.

Stay engaged and don't let your wounded inner child make you a hermit. Get out there and continue to make lots of mistakes. My own credo:

"That which does not kill me....often almost kills me, and I'm sick of being almost killed."

That said, you can't stop trying. That is the death of hope. Don't get sucked into a comfortable life of risk aversion. I believe this falls into the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" category.

Keep a journal of the bad dates for a future book and movie that will make you famous. It could happen.

:)

Peace.

Dating with no expectations can be fun, but takes a while to get to that frame of mind, if it is too emotionally expensive to you, give yourself a break...after that you may see it with other eyes, each time I took a break I went back with a much ligther and better approach..
Hug
S

You know, it's funny, I didn't have any trouble finding dates or dating - what I'm having trouble with is what came of that dating. I met the most wonderful man - he "sorta" moved in and now all I want is my independence. Everyone's right - don't rush it. He felt so good to me because he was/is everything my ex wasn't - but no one can replace the ex so there's no rush.

I wouldn't know where to begin... I am still not ready to date. I just know that I want to work on me and be attracted to my own person again (LIKE and Love me for me). My marriage brought out my worst traits in me, My ex had me beleiving that i was the worst person on the planet...
Prayers to you.