help. it has been 4 weeks since my 'husband' walked out on me, a six month old, 4 dogs and a house i can't afford. he said he felt that i had never put him first and he was tired of being pushed away so he needs space. the space he apparently needed has to do with his girlfriend's apartment. he has lied to me repeatedly about not having a girlfriend, then about having a 'special friend' but not sure what his feelings are for her and now about sleeping with her. i guess in my mind i am still married to him. over the past 4 weeks i have felt hurt, betrayed, depressed, confused, embarrassed, stupid, suicidal and numb but i feel no anger. that worries me. he said that he hasn't been happy for years and is not able to talk to me (because i am not approachable) so he reached his breaking point. what about my breaking point? i am 36 y/o with an infant, started a new job 5 months ago, running ahousehold and trying to hold a family together - i feel like i am running in circles with no help. i am afraid i have walled off my feelings and all i feel is numbness and that scares the hell out of me. now i am even more confused becuase he is finally coming around and being nice to me and i feel a glimmer of hope (i sure picked the wrong time in my life to be an optimist) because he says he dosen't want to fight but now is pissed that i went and filed for child support. i feel that he is toying with my heart but i still desperately love him and can't let go. what do i do? the other day i just wanted to drive out in front of a semi truck. i don't want to live like this. it is too hard. i am afraid i won't stop next time.
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