I posted here several months ago and had it deleted due to someone using it against me. Since then, we have had joint couseling which was a disaster. Then had single counseling after I went to attorney to check things out (mainly my legal rights). Single counseling seemed to make things better. The counselor wanted us to see her together, neither of us has made the appt. Maybe it will blow up again and we don't want to face it. I have decided that I am not going together with him and rehash up all the bad stuff again!!!! Now he's starting to seem distant again. I haven't seen proof of his affair (he denies there ever was one) so I don't know if he's just overwhelmed with things or if he's comtemplating when he can move on. I really feel like we are not going to last much longer after the first of the year, that there will be a continuation of all that happened this year. I know I am in better shape now to cope with a divorce. Actually, the only things that I worry about are my financial survival and having to face people that don't have a clue there have been serious problems. Fortunately, I do have a few family members and friends that know the gist of what's been going on so if something happens to me, they will know there was a reason. All I know is that I feel like I have been in mourning for almost a year now. I'm afraid to start thinking there's more years ahead of us. I don't want to have to deal with sadness and disapointment. I guess now I'm starting to understand why so many women are ready to leave their husbands later in life just about the time you should feel like you have finally started to feel security after all those years.
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