Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Are my feeling normal?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Despite being in a very long marriage and despite living through verbal and emotional abuse, once my divorce was final I have feelings of grief and a little guilt. It took me about a year and a half to get the courage to divorce and leave this sitiation. I walked away with a very favorable settlement, although she is receiving a good amount of spousal maintenance for the next 13 years (enough she does not have to work but a part time job). Now she is contacting me as if she is a victim. On one hand she is crying and pleading for me to be nice to her and give her more money. On the other hand she is still as verbally abusive as ever. My feelings are torn somewhat. Is this normal? How do I make a stand and say enough is enough?
bigguy3
bigguy3
You worked out a deal that both of you agreed to in the divorce settlement. If she thinks it is not fair, she has the option of going back to the courts to try and change things. Don't give in to her emotional and verbal abuse.
deleted_user
deleted_user
a deal is a deal...tell her to move on and you do the same!
deleted_user
deleted_user
enough is enough...she has dragged you through a knot hole. If she needs more money she can work like the rest of us. I don't mean that in a mean way.. just matter of factually.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you gave yourself your own best advice..... just eliminate the question mark at the end of your sentence...Make a stand and say enough is enough.

Remembeer that "No." is a complete sentence.....

Whatever she does or says after that is HER problem. Guilt is a powerful feeling but it isn't any more uncomfortable than other feelings you've undoubtedly felt in this relationship.

Stay strong:)
Thriver
Thriver
Maybe get or threaten to get your lawyer involved and put a no contact agreement into place.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can see your delima. It is hard not to be sensitive to someone you have loved for so long. After we were not perfect and don't we have responsibility? Not in your case. It is up to you to set the boundries and keep open the possibility of talking about issues at some time when she is considerate.
deleted_user
deleted_user
After 33 years together it must be terribly difficult to be emotionally immune to your x. She knows that. She'll play that card. You may have to be blunt with her and keep your distance. She is abusive and the divorce was not enough of a wake-up call; so, I don't think she'll improve anytime soon. You need to take care of yourself.
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