Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,900 Members
100,062 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Anyone do this?

deleted_user
deleted_user
When my ex served me the papers I decided to write her a letter telling her how much she meant to me and my life. It was 4 pages long and said EVERYTHING I ever felt and thought about. I poured my heart out. Of course during the seperation I wrote her other letters and poems, bought flowers, gave her space, called when she wanted to talk to me, sent her cards, tried marriage counsling myself (she didn't want to do it). Was that all a mistake? Did anyone else do something along those lines?

I never yelled at her from the time she asked me to move out to the time she asked me to sign the papers. Any e-mails that we exchanged after the signing were pleasant and very polite. I believe that I never gave her an excuse to hate me, except maybe when I confronted her about seeing someone the next day after I signed the papers.

I have never received anything from her telling me how much I meant to her, that hurts the most. Maybe it was a mistake to pour my heart out. She never said goodbye to my family even though I wrote letters to her family. I feel like the odd man out here on DS. Am I?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You did eveything you could because you loved her and that is whats expected! I was the same way with my X. I never yelled at her, because I loved her so much. You aren't alone in your thoughts and actions. Eventually I was ale to get angry which actually made me feel stronger.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I did similar things; writing her, telling her I'd love to have her back and work things out. She just pretty much let me know it was over and that she would still like for me to "check in from time to time" to see how I was. In other words she said gave me the no dice leave me alone in not so many words. I've seen her out with her boyfriend a few times and that hurts really bad. I can't do anything about the emails I sent and telling her how much I care about her. I just do my best to stay away from her and try to stay busy so I don't think about her. I've been making friends and that helps. I guess it will be a matter of time before I meet someone to "date". Just remember that it will all pass with time. You'll find a good woman but patients is the toughest thing right now. At least for me it is.
deleted_user
deleted_user
everyone has their own way of trying to still hold on to their spouse from leaving the marriage, theres nothing wrong with that, unless its obsessive. the hardest thing to do is just let go and accept that other person's decision. i cried and pleaded for him not to leave the me and kids. to no prevail, he left two days after christmas in front of my daughter crying and confused. that opened my eyes on how cruel and heartless he was. i knew from there that he was a changed man. it was as if the man i married had died and was reborn a whole different person.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I told him everything that I needed to on that night I discovered his affair. I yelled my heart out and told him that I was filing, something he really didn't want. We have 3 children, we speak to other very politely and only about the kids. I still have lots of feelings inside that I want to tell him, but he is so angry at me, I know he won't even listen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok I did not do what you did but you are not alone, many have done this. You know what it is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with it. You got off your chest what you had to say. Now that said her not returning any of that is in away a good thing. She is not playing games with you or giving you any kind of false hope, that is rare and I know it is not what you want but it is a good thing. It seems to me she has made a clean break and her lack of response makes that very clear. You have to accept it for what it is and move on. You can't make her love you, you can't make her stay and you have to come to terms with that and move on. Is it easy no but you are never going to able to move on until you see this for what it is. I am so sorry she has broken your heart but it will get better and you will find someone. You talked about not coaching any more, big mistake that seems to me would give you an opportunity to meet new people. Thats what you need right now is to get out there and keep busy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wrote my X I was not mean-I was honest-I got the very brilliant-Fuck You- you are making things up in your head.Then I wrote him another letter begging him to tell me I was not the trash he just threw away-that I meant something-Nothing-just some song and dance on how losing my daughter was hard but we were not right for each other.Made me feel like shit-I wish I had never asked.I knew how he felt-all along.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My ex got everything she wanted out of the house first. When I came over she left all the wedding stuff, love letters, little notes in the basement. My sorry butt decided it would be good to read all of them..5 hours later and 12+ beers, I couldn't pick myself off the floor. I was a drunk'n crying mess of self pity.I wrote her letters after we divorced basically saying I'd do anything to keep us together...6 years later I'm soo glad she didn't take me up on thoses offers. I'm so much happier now and have a family who thinks I'm the coolest guy around.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah I wrote my ex and told her. I told what she meant to me and that I could look past her affairs if she would just give it another try. She told me that she NEVER really loved me and to get "Fucking over it" and move on! Enough said.
deleted_user
deleted_user
nah, selfish behavious by one person is what you've dealt with. nothing you do or did would make her acknowledge one thing, except giver her POWER over you. Knowing you'd not go a minute without thinking of her, or sending her crap. I dealt with the same behaviour from my ex. As well, last letter I wrote her was our 11th wedding anniversary to which I didn't even get a single thing except to find out she was seeing someone and she was off to Vegas. Talk about cruel, ouch. Oh well, thakns for the freedom! bye by summbich!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I so want to do all those things that you have done. I did for a little bit. I gave up because she just keep pushing me away. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. That doesn't mean that right now I don't want her back. I do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I so want to do all those things that you have done. I did for a little bit. I gave up because she just keep pushing me away. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. That doesn't mean that right now I don't want her back. I do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nope--I've been doing very similar things with my stbx. Not so much letters, because she doesn't like to read. But, I sat her down for about 4 hours when she was packing to move out and told her EVERYTHING about how I feel about her and how sincere I am. My stbx really is my life, and I think I made it pretty clear to her just how important she is to me. I could not say anything to her family, because they don't speak English, though. Although I did send her mom some flowers a few weeks ago.

But, no luck. She still moved out and she's still moving back to Russia in a few months.

Yep, it was very frustrating because I know she does not have those feelings for me.

But, I called her today and we talked for about 10 minutes, just small talk mostly. And, she was not hostile at all and she's being ok about our friendship. So far, at least I have that to hang on to--it's better than losing her altogether.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You did not do the wrong thing. Given the outcome of my situation, I wish I had done SO MUCH MORE. At least you have peace in knowing she will know how much she meant to you. It was not a mistake. You are not diminished for having done it. Since she is the one that left, it is likely the things that she would say would hurt you. It's not that she did not love you, but something changed. She cannot face your family. It's painful to face a family that are attached to someone you ONCE loved. What do you say that is appropriate. Kudos to you for doing EVERYTHING you could to save your marriage!
deleted_user
deleted_user
short answer: nope
LarryLDN
LarryLDN
breaking up nowadays is so different, isn't it? you can email them, that's nice.

on the split side though, anything I Needed to know or buy was at my google fingertips.

what a new world this is.

is it a good idea? I guess it will just help things along, which ever direction it's going to go in, it'll just go that way Quicker
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: mujicaptsd
    2620
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...