good luck. you are really strong. from my experience getting new routines established for children is best. when my stbx left my daughter had nightmares nearly every night. i felt so badly for her and hardly had much sleep myself. Somehow we held it together. Things are still confusing for her, but she is much more relaxed.

I also try very hard to keep adult stuff away from her--no complaining about her dad. Mine is very little though and some of this wouldn't work for older children.

i, too, also hope that that you get a lot of responses to your post.

What is your living situation? I hope your still not living together. You might want to talk with a lawyer (get a free consultation) about your situation. I'm sure that they hear stories like yours and probably have some good advice for you.
Sorry for what your going through,, your going to have to take it day by day for a while.

One thing that helps me is to focus on something I can control -- work, getting exercise, packing things whatever you can. Perhaps share some activity with your daughter too -- that's awful that it's so hard on her. Know that you're not alone though and kudos to you for standing up for yourself.

If you or your children are in danger, you must take steps to protect yourself and them. Do you have family or friends close by that can help if you need to stay with them? If not, there may be a "safe house" for abused women with children that you can go to for refuge. You must hold it together for your children and be the strong Mother they need at a time like this. I wish you the very best. Keep us all posted.

I agree with all of the above. Make your kids your number one priority. Not only do they really need you right now, but it can give you the strength to get through this, and somewhat get your problems off your mind while you deal with theirs. Most of all, get safely away!

So sorry to hear about you and your family. i am a survivor of domestic violence and was very fearful of my childrens father. I wont speak of the abuse anymore just know I understand the fear.
is there support groups where you are?
They sometimes offer free counseling for you and your children regarding domestic violence. If you have a protective order keep it near you at all times and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in such position. Army wives make a lot of sacrifices for their spouses, and this nation, and it goes so unnoticed. I think that you need to talk to a lawyer to see what are your rights. You can probably get free advice and representation if necessary from JAG. I think you may be entitled to part of revenues and later on part of his pension. Don't quote me on that. Of course it all depends on him keeping his job. There is a lot to consider here so go see a lawyer. Besides this you need to protect yourself and your children. Can you stay with family for a while? That might give some comfort to the children. As far as coping is concerned, just take it one day at a time. Go for walks. It will help you feel better and you will think more clearly. Exercise helps in general. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thank you all for your responses! My husband was arrested. While he was in jail I got a protection order. On Dec 4 I try to get a permanent protection order. I have a free attorney for the protection order through the victim's advocacy on base and legal services. I take the girls to counseling through the family advocacy program on base every thursday. I go too, and I see a Christian counselor, too, because I am having spiritual trouble right now. I just don't know how all of this could happen when I have been a faithful believer and servant to my Lord and raised my kids in a church. I know God is not doing this to me, but I still have lots of questions. Reading Psalms does seem to help. I maxed out my credit cards to retain a divorce attorney and my financial situation is dire at best. I have spent thousands to get nothing and his attorney is unethical at best. It is like a bad dream I can't wake up from. Don't worry about me putting my kids first. He has finally made me angry enough that HE should be afraid of ME - but I will pursue him stealthily and legally and the truth will be revealed and he will suffer the consequences for his behavior - it is already starting - the army case review committee found him guilty of domestic violence and emotional abuse. now he has to deal with them and won't have so much time and energy to put toward harassing me.

A missionary friend of mine told me that God doesn't make mistakes. You are not meant to stay with your stbx just like I wasn't supposed to stay with my husband of 20 years. Why? I don't know yet. However,I already have realized how much I had lost myself in that relationship. I see part of the former me resurface again and that feels good. I hope this helps.

I am here for you! I did not see your earlier post.. I am soo sorry!!!
I am glad you won this first battle,, the other victories are soon to follow!
As far as his harrasing you, I don' thin he will, cause it is my understanding that since this finding he will be facing time in the brig if there are any other complaints, am I right! He is not that stupid, surely!
Bless you my friend and please contact me if you need me!
Hugs!

Wow...so glad to hear that you are finally getting some answers!! You already know that I am in the same exact situation...If I have to hear one more time that the military is for families..blah blah blah and that we are part of the family..I think i will seriously puke. It really is a shame that they are able to get away with what they do and abuse their families with no recourse. Sickening...

i understand your hurt, anger, and fear. Keep the faith and know that this nightmare will be over with. It WILL come to an end! Take good care of the kids and keep loving them the way you do. heres to hoping you can get out there asap
Yell if you need anything!

Sorry if I missed any posts of yours, I'm here for you my friend, stay strong.

I would talk to the military court there and tell them your fears as well as talk to an abuse shelter to get help in getting out of there safely.

Give your girl a big hug and tell her it's going to be ok. I hope you find the help and strength you need to get through this and safely. Above all else do what you have to in order to get you and the kids to a place of safety and then you will feel that you can breath and continue to heal.

((((HUGS))))

We are safe. I have a protection order. Thanks everyone. I think i am losing the fight. I talked with my girls last night about sending them back to live with their dad. I could not stop crying yesterday and just wanted to be alone. I feel like I am going down and I just don't want to take them with me. I just don't understand why no one has stepped in to help and it has gotten to be too much. My little one is devastated and my older one is trying to comfort me, but I just don't have the strenght or the money to be their mother right now. I just need a hole to crawl into.

Don't give up. You won't lose this fight. You're tired and you're taking on so much but you can do this. Is there anyone you can call? Is there anyone close to you who can be a source of support?

Your right, this is a very dangerous time for you because men equate their jobs as part of their machismo and you have "Attacked" that for him (in his mind at least). Check with the base and see if they have a women's group that can help you on base, or find out if there's one in the city close to you. They have counselors, advocates, etc., that could help your children and you. Alot of people don't think about contacting a shelter, but the people working there are extremely helpful and have been in your position before, so they can best help you and your kids. I'm not trying to scare you, but the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the woman leaves, so please be very careful!!! Also ask the base if they can provide some sort of security if you are living on base. Good luck to you, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.