MOM of 4.............Just my thoughts.

** How long have you & husband been together? You do have four beautiful children together, correct? I agree with you, the traditional nuclear family has quickly disappeared.........and if you stay together for kids sake and not for sake of working on your marriage, then in the long run, are you really going to be happy with your decision. I say probably not, and you end up resenting your decision.

** Another point, (my two cents worth). If you have not ended your marriage
and you start another relationship. That is unfair to the new person, because you probably have not healed and taken the right amount of time to totally check out of the first relationship. and..............its confusing for kids to introduce a third party..........I'm speaking of experience of four months worth of my STNX and his girlfriend.

** I have dated a couple of times, but my children thought I went out with friends & that is the impression that I will leave them with. (they don't need to be confused by my actions, because unlike STBX I refuse to bring third party around them, until I'm confident in them, and if I felt the relationship might be long term.)

** Have you taken time just for you & your girls? I mean really taken time, and found confidence that you could possibly stand on your own two feet.

** You had alot of children very early on, and not alot of freedom to date, and have fun............just an observation.
and you mentioned you wanted to go back to school..........having said that,
write down a game plan for you, your goals, and what you want for you in a relationship. Is your husband part of that game plan, do you want your freedom, or do you want this new man as a part of your new life?

** If there are any good feelings left for STBX, then those have to be addressed too. Because if you haven't healed from that, then you could possibly carry problems to the next.

Your husband left makes a huge difference in how you & kids view life. Your security and confidence can be shaken, and it often takes counselling, self searching, exercising your mind and spirit to groww & heal to move forward. If you want to risk any of the healing you may have done, then you can always consider working on your marriage.

But the question to ask yourself is this?

Why did STBX move out? Was there a third party for him? Is he not happy with himself? Both of you have to be acccountable and responsible to each other and to yourself if you are going to make a go of your relationship. If one of you cannot do that, then you are fooling yourself. And you have to make the best decision you can with the information you have, and pray and know that the good Lord will guide you and keep you strong.

Bottom line, be happy with you, and where you are headed with yourself and your children. Your girls are going to look to you now & in future to be the stable one. That's very difficult when someone hurts you, but your husband moving out is very hurtful to them, and this could always happen again, and are you willing to go through that, and endure that possibility.

People can change as can relationships, but do what is right for you. You are the only one that can search your heart and soul. Ultimately you have to be happy with you, before that happiness if found with someone else.

RMS has some very good point, read that a few times. I would just add the question, why do you love him? I don't know the whole story but if you did not have your 4 girls, why would you want to be with him? See if you can answer that from not just your heart but your head.

Second, you also need to think about what your daughters will see in you. You are their example of how to be a strong and deserving person. I agree with the family unit being the best when everyone is there for each other, but they have just gone through something too and you do not want them to learn the lesson that what you are feeling inside through all of this doesn't mean more than just "taking him back". Decide what is going to bring you the most happiness and follow that path.

What would it do to your kids if you took him back, then he kept pulling the same stunts and left again??

You are in a tough spot. Prayers to you! ~P

What do you mean he had you committed? I'm wondering because that is a tough thing to do in most states, unless there is a suicide or homicide attempt. Was there? I hope your o.k. Are you seeing your doctor and taking the meds that were prescribed? I hope so. Stay away from him.

Take the new guy out of the picture..just think about you and kids and what is best for you..sounds like an awful lot to " forgive and forget".. some time for yourself sounds like a good idea!!