Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This is an email I got from my ex today in response to my questioning why he cheated with women on the internet.... I would really like to hear your input. My therapist commentned on how there seems to be no remorse and no consideration for what it did to me.... I knew that....
Here it is
i guess the best/only answer i have is that i was bored, broke and feeling sorry for myself. you never saw, because i wouldnt let you, just how demoralizing being out of work and out of money was. i know...money isnt everything, but because of my upbringing, it was the core of my self-esteem. at least id always had a steady job. i was always in demand. then nothing. you were gone everyday while i sat at home running up AMEX, and all the other credit cards, buying stuff to sell on eBay to keep us afloat, all the while hoping ausfeld or albany bcstg would come thru. by that time we really were like "brother and sister". i never understood just how many lonely women were out there on the internet and as they would make the first move and express interest; at first id ignore it. then finally i succumbed to the temptation. the other thing was never having any friends, except for the occasional drunken call from peaches. here, i have genuine friends. a life. new opportunities and j
Here it is
i guess the best/only answer i have is that i was bored, broke and feeling sorry for myself. you never saw, because i wouldnt let you, just how demoralizing being out of work and out of money was. i know...money isnt everything, but because of my upbringing, it was the core of my self-esteem. at least id always had a steady job. i was always in demand. then nothing. you were gone everyday while i sat at home running up AMEX, and all the other credit cards, buying stuff to sell on eBay to keep us afloat, all the while hoping ausfeld or albany bcstg would come thru. by that time we really were like "brother and sister". i never understood just how many lonely women were out there on the internet and as they would make the first move and express interest; at first id ignore it. then finally i succumbed to the temptation. the other thing was never having any friends, except for the occasional drunken call from peaches. here, i have genuine friends. a life. new opportunities and j
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
He called it "F**kitall".
Sounds like this guy's been popping that stuff like candy.
Doesn't care about anyone or anything else, just what he can get while he can.
I'm so sorry, no one deserves to be dragged down by someone like that.
Cheating is always about the cheater and their issues, not about the spouse.
You don't find lonely women on the internet unless you are looking for them.
hmm what opportunities does he have online that he cant have in real life?
sorry you are going through this, it happens some times. You arent the first I have heard of that has left his/her marriage cus of an online "virtual" world. Easier there, you can be anyone and do anything you want.
Wow her answers and my conclusions are exactly like yours,you wrote:
I asked "why" a lot during the year and a half that I tried to save my marriage. I asked "Did you think about me or the children when you chose to do this?" Her response was a flat "No. I didn't think about anything other than myself." This is the defining characteristic of people that are unfaithful ... whether it is emotionally, physically, financially, etc.. They do not think about anyone other than themselves. It is a fundamental part of their character that they will seek to fulfill their own needs without consideration of anyone else. Not all people are like this ... it just seems that the good people here at DS tend to marry the select few that carry this "selfishness gene". We need to learn the lesson, be more particular and be more cautious as we move forward with new relationships.
4. We are attracted to people that feel familiar on an energetic level - which means (until we start clearing our emotional process) people that emotionally / vibrationally feel like our parents did when we were very little kids. At a certain point in my process I realized that if I met a woman who felt like my soul mate, that the chances were pretty huge that she was one more unavailable woman that fit my pattern of being attracted to someone who would reinforce the message that I wasnt good enough, that I was unlovable. Until we start releasing the hurt, sadness, rage, shame, terror - the emotional grief energy - from our childhoods we will keep having dysfunctional relationships.