listen to your heart. you just arent ready. counseling, reading, healing..all apart of this communities future so we wont make the same mistake. there is nothing wrong with just having a man as a friend at your stage. its been a while since your divorce so maybe babysteps.

I get scared that I'll have anger toward all men too. I have been in bad dating relationships which I thought were all behind me when I met my wonderful husband. Instead he turned out to be the exact opposite of what I expected. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve this. I question God from time to time. I guess the thing that has helped is giving everything I feel to the Lord; the pain and the anger as it comes, and learning to trust again.

I worry that I will freak out if another man even gets close to me but you know what, I'm not freaking out. I haven't gotten "close" with anyone yet but I want to but I am not ready. I know that I would punish them for what my stbx's has done and continues to do to me. I still have issues with him so it would not be fair to try to date. I don't want to date until I know that I can give someone else my all, my heart my trust my desire. I can't do that yet.
Don't take out your hurt on others. Keep dealing with it in your own way, heal in your own time and then, when your heart is ready, move on.

emptylove, I understand completely what you are saying. I don't have anger towards ALL men, just my X, my kids' dad..... Would rather spit at him than look or talk to him, but he's not even worth "that" much of my time or energy....

Empty love, i can kind of understand what you are feeling but please realise we aren't all like that. I'm sure that you will find someone who would love and respect you if you give them the chance. Unfortunately, it is the minority of men that give the rest of us a bad name.

Stay strong xx

I haven't had any dating experience yet, so I don't know what sort of feelings that will arouse in me--anger might be one of them. But I did go through a really bitter stage--where I didn;'t even want to read books by men and felt repulsted by them. I honestly think that were it not for the guys on DS--seeing how they are decent people, I wouldn't have been able to get past that. I read their journals and see that not all men are unfeeling, lying jerks. In fact, I wonder why anyone would leave some of the great guys here.

That anger is definately going to manifest itself in any dating experience, is it fair to the other person? Perhaps it is just too soon for you.

MJamie Thanks For The Encouragement. You Commented Why Some women Leave A Good Man...The Answer Is Simplae..There are Just As Many Manipulating Women Today As Men...For The First 6 Months Of My Seperation I Sat Back And Observed...Maybe Thats What Scares Me So.

Emptylove:
I would really recommend you find a counselor that fits for you. Know that, as with any relationship, finding a counselor that's right for you might take time. It will be a safe place for you to vent all your feelings, and in THERE, it is ALL ABOUT YOU. And THAT is some healing stuff. Hugs to you. Good luck.
Becky

it only comes with confidence in yourself. if you know who you want to be, and are confident in your ability to be that person with or without a man, then you will be able to lose the anger that keeps you far from them. there is no rush, and you are the only one who has to sleep with your conscience at night. be the person you want to be, and be proud of that. the rest will come.

I think that for both men and women the hurt and anger are justified. I have to believe that ALL men and women are the same is not true, it just seems that way. I've been in counseling whach helps so much with this issue. Good luch to you.

MJ... you are soooo right. so much of the DS lifeline is the ability to interact with other people who restore your faith in the human race. I am not sure, my friends from here even realize how much they do for my hope and trust.

I'm not sure where i read this but this is how i remember it, it takes a great emotional ownership for a person to be angry for right reasons, at the right person and the right amount of anger. so it's ok to feel what we feel as long as we'll develop skills to use our emotions toward our advantag to accomplish something positive. how else a bitterness of one life will lead you to happiness in another.

I also have this anger towards most men. Also a general mistrust of most people I meet, man or woman. I feel they will hurt me and so I keep a distance. It is lonely but safer. People will say I need counselling, but I have many excellent reasons not to trust. And I have taken many years of therapy. It does not change my feelings. If and when I feel I am ready and it is worth the risk I will love again. There is no way to rush this. Just give it time and live in the moment as much as possible.

I agree with everyone here and would like to add a few comments. I am a man and from my point of view it's not fair for you to be angry at all men. My wife hurt me but, I am not angry at all women. I don't trust them right now. I hope one day to over come this issue. I am a good guy and there are plenty men out there like myself who deserves that chance to make a woman like yourself happy again. I wish you luck in your journey.