
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
We have discussed what we want and we are getting the papers signing them and dividing our things without lawyers.
It is all very amicable, he understands I want certain things and he wants others. My money will be mine and his will be his and his student loans are his problem(if I had loans of any kind the same would apply to me but I don't).
For us amicable is saying me saying well I'll move out b/c we live so close to your work and him saying you take the master bedroom furniture you were the one who wanted it, then I say you love the lap top keep it, I'll take the other computer and so on.
It is a lot easier and cheaper if you can work things out amicably. Read some of my journal and you will see what I mean. My STBX and I are only using one lawyer (MINE!) and we worked out the settlement and took it to the lawyer to write it all up. As of last week I have paid a total of a little over $1000 in legal fees and there should not be a whole lot more before we are finished (after new year for tax reasons. Basically the settlement is:
Custody of the kids: They are primarily with her, I have them Tuesdays Thursdays and every other weekend. In addition, I pay $215 a week in Child support.
Settlement: She waived spousal support, since she cheated and wanted to end the marriage. She aske for the smaller of my 2 401K plans, (she could have gotten half of both). She will get half of whatever we clear off the sale of the house. And she has pretty much taken what furniture and personal property she wanted. Oh yeah she got the Dodge caravan too, I got the Dodge Neon and got to keep my 72 mustang.
Oh I got the 3 cats and the Dog.
It has gone very well so far and I will feel better once everything is finalized. Once finalized the worst she can do to me is go for more child support.
They were talking about $40K plus in Attorneys Fees...and laughing :-/ Excuse me, I found that disgusting. I sure hope that what they were fighting over was really Worth ALL THAT.
First, let me say that STBX is on notice. He messes with me and I am totally prepared to go Nuclear. He knows this. I have nothing left to lose, he has Everything to Lose.
We owned 2 businesses, a stupid Dragster and a monster house. An attorneys Wet Dream. My first few quotes were $20K to start the divorce...just my side of it.
I was bitter, but not STUPID. I suggested Mediation to keep from destroying Everything. We sat down, before going in, and Calmly talked. He made an offer that was beyond what I expected...I could live with it and figured that He would be MOST LIKELY to Honor what HE Offered.
The Mediator said that I was getting screwed and will live to regret this. I have been discouraged from this agreement at every meeting and I just don't Care. It makes Sense to ME. I KNOW this man. He can choose NOT to pay This just as easily as NOT to pay a much higher amount.
I will get about 20%. That is plenty. It will be tax free, to me. I am happy with this. I don't see how there can be Any hard feelings. He gets the businesses and everything remains INTACT.
When I moved, I sorted through the kitchen, made Sure that he got the Dishes that He liked to use-cookware, his favorite knives...you name it. Left him with the towels for the bathroom...I didn't clean the house out of what He needed to stay there. I seperated our music and movies. Then someone packed HIS BOX-daughter is taking them to him when she goes home next week ;-)
He bought me a brand new washing machine for My new place.
This is the way that I HAVE to do things. I HAVE to be able to live with myself.
I will NOT be the one to start a pissing match. I have my own life to pour energy into.
Settlement Details-He gets full control of both businesses and his dragster. IF our house ever sells, I gent any proceeds...yeah, right...I got a small upfront settlement and 11 years of alimony (which has the business buyout included in the formula). He pays my Truck payments, all debt from marriage, my health insurance and all legal expenses.
He did try to get me to take on some of his debt, and I refused.
Other than a few e-mails, we've agreed on how to do things. I'll get my final decree any day now.
I got the land... we had recently bought 6 acres in Nova Scotia... he has never set foot on it!!! And never will if I have anything to say about it!!! He got the house, most of the furniture, the vacation homes, and we each took one car. I got full custody, he pays child support and spousal support for up to 10 years (we were together 16 years). I got 1/2 of his company... I helped him by keeping the books, and by being supportive.
We agreed not to touch pensions, as they would be close anyway. Only his work in Canada counts, so I worked less time, but had higher pay, and he worked longer, but at less pay. That way we avoided the expense of actuaries... He kept his RRSP, and I kept mine, but the after-tax values went into the equations.
I guilted him into agreeing to include an amount for 'reckless depletion' (albeit about 1/2 of what I think he truly spent). My lawyer laughed, said we were making up our own laws...
He had credit cards and lines-of-credit that I (supposedly) didn't know about, and they were completely maxed out, having been jet-setting around Europe and N America with the OW... So I proposed that we take personal debt out of the equation... he readily agreed to this, because then he didn't have to show me all his statements, and explain everything... it benefited me because I only had 2 small cards that I used for family vacations or house repairs etc... so I took about $12K in debt, whereas I would estimate his to have been more in the neighbourhood of $80K...
So, we certainly didn't have a traditional approach, but it works for us.
I would have hated to have seen the lawyer bill if we were not having an 'amicable' divorce.
He asked me if I would take a reduction from the company... I pointed out that he didn't offer to give me MORE if the house had sold... so, no, all numbers stay as they were on the date of separation!!!