Well, I wouldn't do it, but maybe it is therapy for you. Do what you must - why be nasty if your heart isn't in it?

I don't think you are ever wrong taking the high road. Be careful that you aren't being nice to your detriment - i.e. give too much or do too much - especially when it isn't justified. Just be careful that you aren't doing it with the expectation that he will thank you for it.

I have learned that being rotten may feel good, but it never serves any good purpose. Taking the high road that of being the good person only shows you have good character. It will come back to you many times over

Why is saving him heartache more so important to you?

If you are unhappy that your partner is leaving, then you still have feelings for him...so why would you want to throw it in a heap. I spent 3 hours lugging my husbands stuff into the garage for him to collect and I made sure it was all covered so it wouldnt get wet. He has been horrible to me and I didnt want him to leave - but part of the reason he is leaving is my own depressive and obsessive behaviour. I still love him and therefore I cant throw his stuff in a heap. Likewise he has behaved badly in public, mocking our marriage by waving his cheque around the pub (for his half of the house) just 4 weeks after leaving me. I felt a flicker of anger and wanted to burn the rest of his things...but instead I wrote hhim an e.mail - the first real contact I had made in 5 weeks, in which I told him I didnt feel malice towards him and I hoped one day he would think of me differently. I told him I missed the man who once loved me and that I would always regret our marriage had failed. I know Im supposed to let him think I am doing great and have put him behind me, but I have to be honest with myself...and I dont want to be a bitter angry woman and I dont want people to see a bitter angry woman.

I did the same thing with my wife when she hit the road. All her 'friends' said I would trash whatever she left behind, but that must be from an experience or fear they have. A friend told me that: 'Love forgives and Fear Condemns'. Be nice, but do it for your own soul, not to gain favor from someone who isn't treating you with respect. It's about self respect. The view is much better from the high road. Good luck.

Might be good therapy. As always, the best advice is to do what is best for you. If it helps you to get closure, than it was worth it. And you can start over with a 'clean slate'.

Everyone is different. I wouldn't trash their things or disrespect them. But, I would not fold their things for them and clean their things off.

It would send the wrong message to them and myself. I think giving them space and a reasonable amount of time to move their things out is enough of a high road.

Serving them after they leave you especially if there was negativity that caused the break up, would put me beneath them mentally. Like I was a servant or something. Not that it's true for this case it's just how I would feel if it was me.

There are so many other things you can do to heal yourself....if packing his things is one of them then do it.

You are NOT crazy. If you are, I'm right there with you. I clean when I am upset too. And I neatly folded clothes, dusted off things, and packed them neatly and carefully away in storage boxes. Two days later he emailed me about picking up "some "of his things, but I was ready for him to pick up ALL of his things.

He was shocked, said he thought I would put his stuff in the driveway and burn it. He is the one who left and is immature. I told him that after 20 years, he really didn't know me very well after all.

Someone else posted, it is okay as long as you aren't doing it for the wrong reasons. It was hard to do. It was a step in saying good by, It was proving that I am the better person. It was NOT I can't get along in life without you.

You are going to be find. Keep plowing though the steps that are necessary to recover.

Take care. HUGS!

Well I don't think you are too nice.. you are you, and can only be you. If you have that personality then he should see the good person you are and what he is losing.

On the flip side, when I split with my ex about 3 years ago it got nasty and he was stealing things from me and doing a lot of other crap and I wasn't so nice, in fact, I threw all his clothes (which I purchased) in teh dumpster and he had to dive to get them.I did that out of angry, frustration and from being hurt.

We all deal with our pain in our own ways. Instead of me showing him what he lost, I chose to let him leave with nothing on his back mainly because he had nothing when he walked into my home. He used me for 3 years, and I couldn't let him get away with what he did to me.

I don't think your crazy, I just think you are a good person.

you do what makes you feel good about things. nothing you did seems unusual to me. i just wish you were here to clean my apartment. just kidding. keep doing what makes you feel good.

I did the same thing. Even washed any dirty laundry that was here of his. It helped with the closure part of the moving out, making me feel that I can do this, and I didn't want to give him anything to say bad about me.

I wish I could do what you're doing! I don't think I can ever walk back into our home again, I can't bear the thought of separating our stuff. If this helps you gain closure, then do it. But don't do it to save yourself heartache or make him see how wonderful you are, do it because it makes you better. The way I am seeing it, when someone walks out, they are thinking of themselves and their happiness, those of us left to pick up the broken pieces need to try and do the same for ourselves. Good luck!

I think that yo are a better person than he is. You care, but you don't. I would do the same in your shoes.

So...no...you are not crazy. Maybe a little too nice.