In my marriage there is a lot of issues. One is that there has been physical abuse between my husband and I both. The first instance started as a drunken argument. My husband was in my face screaming and telling me to hit him, along with other hateful comments. Unfortunately I did. He ended up with a headache and I, a black eye. The next following days we made up. A few weeks past, and we got into another argument. He left and returned home drunk. When I asked him where he was, he said nothing and started to shove me around. He pinned me down on the ground and choked me, tried to force me to kiss him, and shoved me into everything he possibly could. It took me over an hour to get away from him and out of the house. He tried to break my car windows as I drove off. When I came home the next day, he was still drunk and started to shove me again. I left and returned with someone who could monitor him packing and leaving. When he was done packing he had sobered up. He apologized and said he was reacting to our first fight where I had hit him. We made up (of course), we loved each other and knew that we wanted our relationship to work out. I became pregnant and we got married (not because of the pregnancy). When our son was about 8 months old, I busted my husband doing a drug(he used to be an addict). He was very angry as was I. The argument ended up with me losing it and hitting him repeatedly. We almost got a divorce at that point. Since this last instance he has made the comment that "I have one coming", and that I have no right to get upset if he is violent with me. We have decided to try to fix our marriage, whatever that may entail. I feel completely guilty and responsible for my actions. I know that no matter what he has done that I have no right to put my hands on him. It feels like he wants me to fail at gaining control of my actions and my anger towards him, which I need to do if we are to become a healthy married couple.
Please be honest with your responses.