Just over four weeks ago I discovered my husband had a porn addiction, and that it had been going on for three years. In that time he had not wanted to sleep with me, indeed he was unable to. He had become fixated with just one vile pornographic photo. In his words the way she was posing opem legged just kinda got him hooked. I am, so I am told, very good looking and dont look my age etc.so there is no reason for his need to turn to porn.During that three years he often unexpectedly treated me like dirt. I am very ill too with a brain AVM and an aneurysm. Had gamma radiation, and have major surgery this coming January. In the beginning was the shock, then anger, then pain and hurt etc. Now I seem to be so calm that it scares me. I have filed for divorce, I am planning how I will cope with the lonliness once I am on my own etc. You see my good friends, and my Doctor got me to realise that I am important, that I must think of me. Indeed I need to be like him, totally selfish. Have any of you experienced this calmness? Will it remain or am I in for a shock of yet more emotions? I seem to be numb towards him, he is the one crying, regretful, and terrified of what he has lost. I know it is an illness on his part, my Doc told me that. I know that he has gone to see a doc and is getting sex therapy help with what is an addiction. Yet I cant forgive. I have to say that this is not the first instance. 15 years ago I found porn in his dresser, and we nearly split then, I forgave him and forgot all about it. Now it seems it has taken over his liofe again, and I can't forgive the second time. Am I really heartless?
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