Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Am I doing the right thing?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband and I have decided to seperate but I don't know if we are going to be doing it the right way. We have decided that I will be the one to move out by myself closer to my job which is 45 minutes away from home and he will stay here with the kids. We don't want to take them out of their home which they are very comfortable in and have lots of friends and stability here. I will be able to see my children whenever I want. Also, he works from home and all of his client base is around our home. It wouldn't make any sense any other way. The only thing is is that I feel very guilty for leaving my kids behind, especially my 6 year old daughter. Having lots of confusion about this. Can't afford any other way though. This is the hardest thing I have to go through and I don't want anyone thinking that I am abandoning my kids which I am certainly not doing. My kids are my world and it is gonna be so hard to be away from them everyday. Anybody have any similar experience with this? Your comments are deeply appreciated!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to admit this is very interesting. It's very rare to hear of a mom leaving her kids. Are you sure the outcome will remain the way you plan it to? You could lose your kids? There's not enough information to give decent advice. But I do advice you to rethink this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok, do you work or are you a stay at home mom? I'm getting two different things here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry for what you are going through. I cannot offer advice on children because I don't have any yet and i don't thinks it fair to advise you on them if I don't have any of my own.

Having said that I used to be a children and I hated when my parents fought they had loud physical ugly fights. It didn't start that way it turned into that from years of bad communication and mental abuse on both their parts.

Mom and Dad stayed together and that is something I can never thank them enough for...but I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

The point I am trying to make is that your kids will be affected either way. You will be their role models whether you want to or not. You can either show them someone who will not settle for less than she deserves in the relationship or you can show them someone who is willing to stay at home no matter what.

It is impossible for anyone bt you to make that call.
deleted_user
deleted_user
OUCH! Tough one! I'm a bit older, my son is a grown man...I look back and cherish the years while he was growing up...will you look back and cherish your job? Since you are traveling 45 minutes now, why not just get a place in your children's current school district. Houses come and go, children change schools and do just fine. Just my opinion.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i want to do everything i can to provide a stable life for my child, but in your situation i may think that stability is remaining with me and finding new friends and making a new home and memories. if you are confused, please consider how your children will feel. obviously in all of our situations there are few ideals, but children are resilient.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you consulted an attorney of your own yet? I'm no expert, but it's probably safest to get all of the terms in writing and signed off on by both of you.

Otherwise, I'd be concerned that he could make a good argument for abandonment if you ended up in a custody battle.

I think you need to get all of the terms in writing, bottom line.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's not a fun thing to face.But do draft up a separation agreement,as hard as it is getting something in writing will help out in the long run.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My ex had been evicted from her apartment last month. Now she lives 40 minutes away with her boyfriend. We share 50/50 placement and I live across the street from my girl's schools. She has threateded me with another hearing to change placement since she wants to move them to another school district so she doesn't have to drive that far twice a day. She has never had the best interest of our girls in mind for the last year. You need to do what is best for the children even if it goes against societies norms. Only you two can and should make that decision.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are not leaving your kids behind. Can you and your stbx work together to get you a larger place where your children can sleep the night? I have moved out but my son stays with her Monday and Wednesday nights, and then every alternate Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. he sleeps at my place Tuesday and Thursday nights, and every alternat weekend. This allows us both (we both work) to fix our calendars and I can tell my clients that I have an appointment on Tuesday so can we schedule something for Wednesday instead?
Ask him to help if money is a challenge. Now, no child is left behind. Does this help?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would say be careful with this. You moving out and leaving the kids behind leaves you wide open to pay your STBX child support. Lawyers love this kind of stuff. I would think twice about getting a place so far away and letting the girls stay with your ex. My girls have adjusted nicely to the new place to live.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Perhaps you could try a nesting arrangement. This arrangement allows you to stay in the house with the children part of the time. Perhaps you could get an apartment that isn't too far away and he could stay there on off days. It is a little bizzare, but it doesn't move the kids around. How amicable is the split? If it is pretty friendly then this might be an option for you (also it secures your rights to both the house and the kids...) If you leave, these rights might be in jepardy.
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