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Am I being unreasonable?

deleted_user
deleted_user
To sum up an exhaustingly long story...remarried my first husband and he's quit on the marriage for a second time saying he "doesn't have what it takes to be married" and he refuses to do counseling. (well, he doesn't refuse, but he never goes and is very passive aggressive about everything). Anyhow, we're sharing the same house for financial reasons until I finish school and its awkward as all hell to say the least. Anyhow, I've asked that he make other arrangements for the holidays (meaning, that he stays elsewhere) and as much as I feel I had a right to do so, I'm feeling conflicted becuase my mom thinks it was bitchy of me. He's been a god awful husband, has ruined every holiday since I've married him and I just don't want to deal with his crap this holiday season. The holidays are already going to be tough...I'd like to try to have some peace on those days and just have the house to myself. Was this an unreasonable request?
Seashells1
Seashells1
Nope, not unreasonable at all. My stbx has ruined the holidays for me for the past 10 or so years. He has made it very clear that he hates christmas, and my decorating, while it used to make me happy, just seems like a chore now. However, this year I'm decorating and tossing. What doesn't go up, goes out. That way I know what I have to take with me when I leave.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No. If he doesn't have what it takes to be married, he needs to spend his holidays as single people do, usually with their birth families.

My TBX is a passive-aggressive quitter, so I feel you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, you're not being unreasonable.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Since the two of you are financially bound together for the time being, it is in both of your best interests to stay civil. You have recognized that the stress of the holiday season and his inability to commit to the marriage combined are pretty darned intolerable for you. And, you have requested that he attempt to give you that particular time of the year to have some space. I don't think that is asking too much. I certainly don't think it 'bitchy'. Bitchy would be pretending to enjoy the holidays with him around and then do something to make them miserable for him.

Forgive my rudeness, but your mother needs to 'butt-out'.

Hang in there! Margie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Margie, you're not being rude at all. I agree! I sure would love it if my family would just be on my side. We'll I've emailed my husband and he has agreed to make other arrangements. I still feel guilty though. Ugh!! Dammit!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
If I had to choose between feeling a bit guilty for just a while and feeling MISERABLE for days, I would take the guilt. Then, I would tell the guilt to go spend the holidays with your mother.:)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Isn't use always trying to take on the role of the good guy and not wanting anyone to feel uncomfortable what is part of the problem. I am ready to take control of my life, not let him be in charge anymore. Have you mom live with him for awhile. LOL
deleted_user
deleted_user
Can anybody tell my what stbx stands for....been on here for 5 days now and can't figure it out?
deleted_user
deleted_user
stbx= Soon to be Ex.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i figured it out a few minutes too late.....lol
deleted_user
deleted_user
You don't need the added grief! You have enough going on with being stuck in the same house the rest of the time! You should really ask him to go elsewhere for the holidays.
Thriver
Thriver
NO. But your mother IS being unreasonable! Maybe you should cut her out too! Say, since you feel that I am being so bitchy now....maybe it would be better if we took a vacation from each other until I am less bitchy. Then ignore her until she comes crawling back.
Signed,
the real bitchy one
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unreasonable? No way-kick his ass out!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey we could spend some holiday time together.
deleted_user
deleted_user
NOPE it was not unreasonable. The holidays you should have some peace and if he can not give it then he should find somewhere else to be
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