It can be hard to do. You just have to make up your mind - and stick to your guns. Have someone to call when you think you are going to buckle! You can call me :)

Have you tried counseling with him yet? If you don't want to leave but want the mistreatment to stop that is one way that could be helpful. Also, does he realize that he is doing this to you? Have you talked with him about this?

If all those things have been done, then you need to muster up the courage and do what is best for you. Good luck.

Well, you know what you need to do. So just do it. It may be hard initially, but it the end you will come through it and be happier.
Support here on BU/D is great.

If you are unhappy with where or who you are the only way to change that is to change your actions. We all know its hard and painful but you deserve so much better and I think you even recognize this. It may be that you are in a comfort zone. It painful but its a known pain and so you continue as you were. We all hit our "enough is enough" points and you will get there soon when you are ready. When you are done evaluating your situation and realize you want and are entitled to more. I support you and I hear your cries. We are all here. We know you will find the strength within you to find the changes you need to make yourself happy.((((hugs and hearts)))

That's the stupid thing I have allowed myself to buckle, and I did crumble, and let him back in and now my heart is paying for it. I feel so damn stupid and weak!

Its not stupid nor is it weak to want love and to be loved and hope for better things. Its not stupid nor weak to not give up on love. You made a choice to try for love again. He just failed to deliver on his promise. He is the stupid and weak one NOT YOU

So how long do I allow myself to be this stupid?

Trying sending your head only the message that you are strong and you can end this.

You were not stupid, you want love. That isn't stupid that is human. It takes many people more than one try to get a break up to "stick". It is hard.

I agree with MDens......you are not stupid. Tell yourself you can do it and are strong!! I went back to my ex a few times, so i know what you're going through.

Kitty,

You really need to consider individual counseling to help you with your self-esteem issues.

I don't think you love this person as much as your fear being alone. Sometimes we will put up with a lot of crap because we don't want to be alone. This could be the underlying reason why you are taking him back.

You are not stupid and you are not weak. You just need to get your head in the right place so you can do this. PLease consider seeing a counselor. I do and it helps me alot.

Hugs!!!

Thank you all for your comments, I am working on telling myself that I am not stupid, etc., etc. I guess I'm just feeling very down right now. And disappointed in myself....(hugs to all)

I looked at your profile and assume that since you're a member of the physical and emotional abuse group that he's abusing you in some way.

You asked, "So how long do I allow myself to be this stupid?" The answer is... until you've finally had enough.

I know, because I was "stupid" too. And the biggest regret I have (other than letting him in my life in the first place) was that I let it go on for as long as it did. It's funny though... at the time, I couldn't seem to get myself out of the relationship for some reason. I can't explain that. But it must be something like how addicts know what they're doing to themselves is bad, but they can't stop until they hit "rock bottom".

Just think how much better it would be for you to help yourself BEFORE you let yourself reach "rock bottom".

I guess I can really relate to your story - I too am giving a lot to the person I care for and I feel stupid for waiting for him and loving him so much. But we're just human, we want to give and receive love and we only do our best - we're learning and growing everyday and everyday we get a little stronger...

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have supported and encouraged me. I feel as though all of my friends have turned their backs on me. One friend in particulare that I work with has started to ignore me, which hurts me, and makes me feel worse. I know this is my decision to make I just need to find the strength to make the decision and stick to it.

AGAIN thank you all for your support.

Kitty,

It's me Oldbiker. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have setbacks and make decisions that hurt us. You are not stupid, you just have a yearning in your heart to be loved and accepted. Please message me and I will comment further.

Your friend.

Oldbiker