This has been the worst month of my life. Not only am I getting divorced, losing my house my pets and my daughter every other weekend, but I realized it has all been my own doing. My family keeps telling me it takes two people to destroy a marriage but they are wrong. After having my daughter I lost my sex drive, I was tired all the time, working and complaining how bad my life was. We bought a nice house in a nice neighborhood, had a beautiful daughter, were financially okay, not great, but all I could see was what I didn't have. I felt insecure in my relationship with my husband because he had wanted a divorce 3 years ago. He wasn't cheating then but wasn't happy. We agreed that we both still loved each other and committed to trying harder and he did on and off. I didn't. I now realize if I had told him how I felt and if I had stopped being so negative that I could have saved my marriage. I made him feel unwanted and unloved, not purposely, and he found someone else and I have myself to blame. I've told him my revelation about myself and asked for another chance but his answer is no. I hurt him and he doesn't believe me when I say things could be different if we try. How do I live with the guilt. Yes his affair hurt me and the lies hurt, but if I had treated him better I really believe this never would have happened. I know his mind is made up about the divorce and he will move on but I don't think I can.
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