Im so depressed right now, I must have listened to high hopes by pink floyd at least 25 times now.. I dont know why the hell I sit here by myself all night every night just to think. Think about what happened to my ex and me. Where it went wrong, where did it wind up going from talking and having fun to fighting and her leaving. God, I hate not having anything. I feel like I have done nothing in my life except try to exist. I look through these eyes and see nothing. I look and yet I find myself in a place not where I want to be. I have thought to myself many times maybe a move would change to get away from this. But thought that my troubles would just follow. I cant stand to feel this way anymore but I dont know what to do anymore. I try to talk to people but they just piss me off some how and then I just walk away and dont say a word to them or anyone else. I try to go out, but where? Where the hell would I go? What would I do alone? At times all I want to do is just talk, but no one comes over and my phone doesnt ring All I want to do in my life is just for once smile. The friends I have talked to online on my web cam all say the same thing that I need to smile more. It honestly hurts when I try. I have been like this for some time now. I never used to be at least not this bad. I just want myself back again. I need to find who I am again. I lost myself somewhere along the line.
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