Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I'll try to be brief... but please give me advice.
My ex and I are recently separated after 13 years together (we separated in March). He lives up the street and drives the kids to school every morning (girls 4 and 9). He also has them on Fridays and every other Mon and Tues night (when I travel for business). In August he began dating a young woman (his student). She has 2 kids (4 and 5). He introduced my kids to her first week of Sept. He asked them if he they would like her to be his GF. 3 weeks ago she spent the night on their Friday night stay with him (tiny apartment). I was mad and told him it was too much too soon for the kids and that he should refrain from sleep-overs w/ kids and GF until we're divorced. He laughed at me and said he'd do what he wanted. I have full custody (He gave it to me no questions asked).
Facts are this: my kids love him. my kids like her. I still think this is too much for them to absorb and shouldn't have to be exposed to it. I've asked him to reconsider and he won't. He says he's moving in with her (which BTW is illegal in NC until divorce).
I can meet her. Should I? I can tell him no kids if there are going to be sleepovers, but then I'm put in the position of actually monitoring it. I could just let it happen and hope for the best (but it really feels wrong to me).
Help!
My ex and I are recently separated after 13 years together (we separated in March). He lives up the street and drives the kids to school every morning (girls 4 and 9). He also has them on Fridays and every other Mon and Tues night (when I travel for business). In August he began dating a young woman (his student). She has 2 kids (4 and 5). He introduced my kids to her first week of Sept. He asked them if he they would like her to be his GF. 3 weeks ago she spent the night on their Friday night stay with him (tiny apartment). I was mad and told him it was too much too soon for the kids and that he should refrain from sleep-overs w/ kids and GF until we're divorced. He laughed at me and said he'd do what he wanted. I have full custody (He gave it to me no questions asked).
Facts are this: my kids love him. my kids like her. I still think this is too much for them to absorb and shouldn't have to be exposed to it. I've asked him to reconsider and he won't. He says he's moving in with her (which BTW is illegal in NC until divorce).
I can meet her. Should I? I can tell him no kids if there are going to be sleepovers, but then I'm put in the position of actually monitoring it. I could just let it happen and hope for the best (but it really feels wrong to me).
Help!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
My ex introduced her bf to our 12 year old son without my knowledge three weeks after she started having an affair and she saw the emotional repurcussions of it on our son after that relationship flamed out. Kids start trying to adapt to the new situation and work to make friends with the gf / bf. But, when those relationships end, it just reopens the wounds that the kids are still trying to heal from.
Otherwise the whole situation is quite loaded for fights between you and your husband - something the kids will always suffer from in the end.
The children need and deserve his undivided attention at this time.
IMO, NO you should not meet her. Then YOU will be putting your seal of approval on it! Again, a woman who goes out with a nondivorced man with young children is an unprincipled TRAMP.
And, IMO, no sleepovers when the children are present. Go to the judge with it if you have to.
Thanks for your responses and thoughtful advice!
She moved with him (at my expense) into a 2 bedroom apartment on 10/13. She got a 2 bedroom specifically for the purpose of having our two younger kids sleep over there half the time. She recently bought them a hamster to keep over there as a lure to get them to come over.
My two older kids, who are old enought to understand what is going on and make moral judgments, want nothing to do with the OM or to go over to her new apartment. Our third child, who is 12, is less assertive but doesn't want to go either.
Our youngest, who is a real doll at 8, lives in the moment. She is happy to go with her mom when she is with her mom, and happy to be with me when she is with me.
It remains to be seen how soon any of them will actually wind up sleeping over at her apartment. We have agreed that they will not do so until our joint counselor says it is ok. But my STBX seems to be intent on breaking that rule.