Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Advice please!!

deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok I need some advice here. I have been seperated from my husnbund for 6 months and our divorce will be final next Monday. He cheated on me because he decided I was overweight and he wanted someone more attractive. He said lots of cruel things to me regarding my weight, so my self esteem was pretty low.

About 2 months ago I started dating a really great guy. After about a month we started having sex. He's 35. About 2 weeks after we started doing this we had a little problem. We were getting hot and heavy an then he couldn't.....get it up. I immediately think it's because of me. My husband didn't find me attractive so maybe he decided I was gross too. He swore up and down that it wasn't me. But when it happened everything that husband said to me came back. It has been over two weeks since this happened and we haven't had sex since.

So what's the deal?? Is it me????? Or is he embarrassed that it happened??? I just don't know what to think. I have asked him and he swears it has nothing to do with me. But ever since that happened I don't feel like we're dating. I just feel like we're friends who hang out.

So guys....help me!!! What would you be thinking???????

Thanks!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its possible it is him! Maybe he feels embarrassed and is afraid you will think less of him!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am no guy.. but I would say he is as nervous as you are and you are scared out of your minds...

you need to relax, and enjoy each other.. maybe drink to excess but dont ever think it is you.. man just think if you could really control that thing... who would need a BOB (battery operated boyfriend)

you should be laughing by now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Please don't accept the blame,, this guy would not have been dating you if he were not attracted to you! It could be a physical condition and he is probably embarrased! You may have to broach the subject yourself!
Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
OH it is SO NOT YOU!

keep talking to him about it but leave the was it me out of the conversation because that will detract from the real issue. There are hundreds of reasons that could explain why this happened, but now that it did, he is probably full of anxiety about it. If he cares for you, the question 'was it me' is even tougher because he may be afraid that if he happens again it will hurt your feelings. I wouldn't be surprised if he actively avoids sex just because he is scared that it will happen again. You need to keep talking to him and make him comfortable. He's probably anxious and scared, talk to him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My first thought are I truly believe him, Idont believe you have any thing to do with it, because most all men in some point in time have trouble performing, thats a fact. why do you think you see so many adds on tv for male inhancement. trust him. It is him
deleted_user
deleted_user
You guys have all made me feel so much better!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!

I keep thinking if he wasn't intersted then why do we keep making plans to see each other. We have even already made plans for New Years.

I'm just so new to this dating thing, I never thought I'd have to do it again!

Thanks again everyone!!! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't beat yourself up about this. My ex called me many names after our separation and being overweight from some medical problems and not losing after babies made me feel bad about myself also.

Don't put pressure on your friend. Give it time and see what happens. Let the passion build. If in time he still avoids this I would talk to him and be supportive. There are many ways to fix this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lindz...the guy is probably very embarrassed. He doesn't want a repeat. Don't take it personnaly. You should just reassure him and act like it's not a big deal (no pun intended). It could be one of several things...stress, drinks, being tired or even he may have been aroused all evening before the act and well thats it.
Again....he probably feels much worse than you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Funny, that just happened a few weeks back with the man I was with as well. I thought is was no big deal, he came up with other excuses which were far more hurtful. It has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. I would also agree he is most likely embarrassed and is afraid to go there again out of fear of it happening again. Let him talk about it, but do not push the issue. It will resolve itself eventually. Do not beat yourself up most importantly!

Enjoy each other!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well it turns out it really didn't matter anyway. I asked him last night what was up and he said that didn't want a relationship and just wanted to "hang out." That's a complete switch to how things first started out between us. If I had known this for the the beginning I never would have allowed myself to develop feelings for him and I sure has hell would never have had sex with him. He was only my 2nd and that's something that's special to me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well see, it wasn't you!. It sounds like he has hurt you and I'm sorry for that. All I can think to say is realize it's just dating at this point and there are bound to be some disappointments along the way. Don't beat yourself up for it. You have qualities that will be the right match for someone when the time it right.
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