Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I discovered a couple of years ago that my husband was addicted to gambling - in a year he lost more than I earnt! I confronted him about it and he was apologetic and begged me not to leave him, saying he'd stop. I encouraged him to get help - therapy or GA - but he was adamant he didn't need it.
As a result of some text message on his mobile, I also suspected he was having an affair with a colleague - he insisted he'd never cheated on me, but I do believe they had an inappropriately emotional & intimate relationship even if they never had sex. I could never get any proof though - his phone and PC are both protected by several passwords, and if not with him then switched off. (Is that the behaviour of someone with nothing to hide?)
A year later I found out he was gambling still/again. He tried to convince me it wasn't as big a problem now and he was getting 'better' -but I know he lied to me about the amount of time and money involved. He still refused to get any help. I asked him to let me help, but he keeps on lying to me.
A couple of months ago, I found out its still happening. I confronted him again, and this time he said its not a problem, he doesn't need help, and in a nutshell said its my fault he does it at all. On top of that he also seems to have developed a pornography addiction and has signed up to 'adult' websites, presumably to seek a relationship or make contact with prostitutes. I don't think he's actually done anything yet, but I guess its just a matter of time.
I want out now - I don't want to be with someone who has no respect for me and isn't prepared to make any effort to improve things for himself or our marriage. BUT, the house & mortgage are in his name, we don't even have a joint bank account. I gave up my career to support his several years ago and my current salary would barely stretch to a bedsit. We don't have kids.
I've been advised that because we have no dependants and I can't prove adultery then I have no right to a share of 'his' assets or any spousal support if I choose to leave him. Is that true? What can I do?
As a result of some text message on his mobile, I also suspected he was having an affair with a colleague - he insisted he'd never cheated on me, but I do believe they had an inappropriately emotional & intimate relationship even if they never had sex. I could never get any proof though - his phone and PC are both protected by several passwords, and if not with him then switched off. (Is that the behaviour of someone with nothing to hide?)
A year later I found out he was gambling still/again. He tried to convince me it wasn't as big a problem now and he was getting 'better' -but I know he lied to me about the amount of time and money involved. He still refused to get any help. I asked him to let me help, but he keeps on lying to me.
A couple of months ago, I found out its still happening. I confronted him again, and this time he said its not a problem, he doesn't need help, and in a nutshell said its my fault he does it at all. On top of that he also seems to have developed a pornography addiction and has signed up to 'adult' websites, presumably to seek a relationship or make contact with prostitutes. I don't think he's actually done anything yet, but I guess its just a matter of time.
I want out now - I don't want to be with someone who has no respect for me and isn't prepared to make any effort to improve things for himself or our marriage. BUT, the house & mortgage are in his name, we don't even have a joint bank account. I gave up my career to support his several years ago and my current salary would barely stretch to a bedsit. We don't have kids.
I've been advised that because we have no dependants and I can't prove adultery then I have no right to a share of 'his' assets or any spousal support if I choose to leave him. Is that true? What can I do?
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I'm sorry you are going through this. Your husband is definitely in denial. YOUR fault he is gambling? Give me a break. It sounds like he has some major issues and you can't fix them if you can't acknowledge them. Good luck.
Best of luck!