Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Advice from anyone would be appreceiated

deleted_user
deleted_user
I just found out yesterday that my ex is living with someone new. He messaged me today and asked what time he needed to pick up our 2 boys on Saturday. I gave him a time and asked him if he would be taking them back to his new place and he did not respond. I then messaged him and told him that I would like to know where my boys will be staying and that I would like to meet anyone new that my boys are going to be around. He said that was fine. I have no problem with him moving on although it does hurt and I am scared for my boys. He is not very responsible and thinks only of himself and has had no contact with his boys except on his weekends. Now I am going to meet his new "interest" and I just need support on how to handle this and be strong for the benefit of my kids. Is it also ok to discuss this with my kids on Friday to make them aware that they will be staying somewhere new? They have no idea of any of this and they are 5 & 3. Anyone have advice on how they dealt with these situations.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can't help you with you kids--they are much younger than mine. But for you, be strong, don't think about the relationship--just meet the woman and then get away.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I for one would not choose to meet her new other for it would put me in such despair. My sons are 3 and 6 for I as a father of my sons would not involve a significant other as it would be difficult for me to explain to them. sorry, not much help here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
well i think your doing great, and to want to meet someone because they are going to be around your children is awesome. have the kids met her? take it as it comes, when explaining to the kids.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry, I don't think it's good for the kids to have to stay with some strange woman to whom he is not committed. That's why many women have no opposite sex sleepovers present during visitation in their custody agreements.
downforthecount
downforthecount
You cannot and should not try to influence your ex'es decisions. You can and should however be there for the children. They will need you to help figure it all out and it will be for them that you will have to be strong. They know who their Mother and Father are...it will never change. Your ex may regret this because if it doen't work out and they get attached to the woman, provided she treats them with kindness and respect, then they loose again. But what are we to do? Live our lives without partners until the children are out on their own? Not all humans are capapble of such an ability. Like Barbara sang..."people who need people...." Just go slow with it and make sure they know what's what at all times. You cannot control him or his decisions...just be the loving Mom you've always been and NEVER speak ill of him or of his decisions to such young children. But you already know that...
deleted_user
deleted_user
err. I dread the day when my kids officially meet the OM. It will come, I ahve to be prepared for it. BUT, she cannot have any person non-related of opposite sex spend the night. Yeah, for my atty! Breaks custody agreement if she does...
deleted_user
deleted_user
If your custody agreement includes his regular visits with them, you can ask to meet her and see the place if you want -- but he doesn't have to grant it.

Kids can be way more flexible than we (adults)are, so I would advise you against trying to "prepare" them for this in any way. Chances are you'd wind up making them anxious.

However, if you get any inkling at all of abuse or neglect during the visits, get right on the horn back to your lawyer about the conditions of the custody!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
That woman is not your rival. He must live his life his own way. And you know how he lives his life. This gives you the right to smile when you meet her because you know, and she does not. In fact, one day she may become your soul-mate, you both having something in common, i.e., being dumped by him.
As for the kids, well, only you can know but I'm not sure that they understand the concepts, and I am sure that you are above being negative about your ex to them.
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