Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Although I loved Christine, I was also addicted to her. I did not realize this until the breakup. It's normal to feel lost and possibly depressed, but it felt as though I lost my identity, my sense of myself as a person. It was truly terrifying!
I began to realize that my dependence on her was much deeper than the reliance one has on a partner. Because she possessed traits and characteristics that I did not have, I became deeply dependent on her for my feelings of security and safety. I did not realize this until after the break.
I remember feeling so inadequate, I would automatically ask myself, "What would Christine do? " It was crazy making! It was as though I had been living through her in a way. Maybe this is what codependency is? Can anyone relate?
I began to realize that my dependence on her was much deeper than the reliance one has on a partner. Because she possessed traits and characteristics that I did not have, I became deeply dependent on her for my feelings of security and safety. I did not realize this until after the break.
I remember feeling so inadequate, I would automatically ask myself, "What would Christine do? " It was crazy making! It was as though I had been living through her in a way. Maybe this is what codependency is? Can anyone relate?
deleted_user
YES!! I am reading a book now on addictive/obsessive love. Very unhealthy and also experienced tremendous pain due to my dependency on my Ex as well. REALLY devestated. Just now coming out of the fog and beginning to put my life together. I have a lot to learn on the topic but see that the relationship was doomed from the start. Do not want to repeat this pattern. I desire to be a complete person and love myself unconditionally.
bigguy3
I have some codependent traits that manifested themselves in my marriage. For me, I am a natural care giver ... it's what I do and I enjoy it. However, if you start taking on the responsibility of other peoples feelings, then it becomes codependent and not healthy. I had become this way in my marriage. The further my ex drifted away from me, the more responsible I felt for her unhappiness and the tighter I held on. I found myself contorting myself to try and make her happy in the last year and a half of our marriage. When I could see that divorce was the only option, I was able to look at myself and realize I did NOT like the person I had become. I liked the person I was before I got married. I liked the person I was for the first 12 years of my marriage. I just didn't like the person I had become in the last two years. I have reclaimed my identity and I like who I am and I am happy again. I no longer feel responsible for the feelings of anyone other than myself and I acknowledge the way I feel and express them to those that care about me. I do the best I can to take care of my children and meet their needs and try to provide a happy home for them ... but I don't feel responsible if they are in a bad mood or don't like the way things are going. I am empathetic and compassionate but I no longer try to take on their feelings as my own.
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