Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
MANY OF US HAVE WORKED TOO HARD TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS WORK; SOMETIMES THOSE RELATIONSHIPS DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE BECAUSE THE OTHER PERSON WAS UNAVAILABLE OR REFUSED TO PARTICIPATE.
TO COMPENSATE FOR THE OTHER PERSON'S UNAVAILABILITY, WE WORKED TOO HARD. WE MAY HAVE DONE ALL OR MOST OF THE WORK. THIS MAY MASK THE SITUATION FOR A WHILE, BUT WE USUALLY GET TIRED. THEN, WHEN WE STOP DOING ALL THE WORK, WE NOTICE THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP, OR WE'RE SO TIRED WE DON'T CARE.
DOING ALL THE WORK IN A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT LOVING, GIVING, OR CARING. IT IS SELF-DEFEATING AND RELATIONSHIP-DEFEATING. IT CREATES THE ILLUSION OF A RELATIONSHIP WHEN IN FACT THERE MAY BE NO RELATIONSHIP. IT ENABLES THE OTHER PERSON TO BE IRRESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER SHARE. BECAUSE THAT DOES NOT MEET OUR NEEDS, WE ULTIMATELY FEEL VICTIMIZED.
IN OUR BEST RELATIOSHIPS, WE ALL HAVE TEMPORARY PERIODS WHERE ONE PRSON PARTICIPATES MORE THAN THE OTHER. THIS IS NORMAL. BUT AS A PERMANENT WAY OF PARTICIPATION IN RELATIONSHIPS, IT LEAVES US FEELING TIRED, WORN OUT, NEEDY AND ANGRY.
WE CAN LEARN TO PARTICIPATE A RESONABLE AMOUNT, THEN LET THE RELATIONSHIP FIND IT'S OWN LIFE. ARE WE DOING ALL THE CALLING? ARE WE DOING ALL THE INITIATING? ARE WE DOING ALL THE GIVING? ARE WE THE ONE TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS AND STRIVING FOR INTIMACY?
ARE WE DOING ALL THE WAITING, THE HOPING, THE WORK?
WE CAN LET GO. IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE, AND IT WILL BECOME WHAT IT IS MEANT TO BE. WE DO NOT HELP THAT PROCESS BY TRYING TO CONTROL IT. WE DO NOT HELP OURSELVES, THE OTHER PERSON, OR THE RELATIONSHIP BY TRYING TO FORCE IT OR BY DOING ALL THE WORK.
LET IT BE. WAIT AND SEE. STOP WORRYING ABOUT MAKING IT HAPPEN. SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND STRIVE TO UNDERSTAND IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.
NOV 9, LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO
TO COMPENSATE FOR THE OTHER PERSON'S UNAVAILABILITY, WE WORKED TOO HARD. WE MAY HAVE DONE ALL OR MOST OF THE WORK. THIS MAY MASK THE SITUATION FOR A WHILE, BUT WE USUALLY GET TIRED. THEN, WHEN WE STOP DOING ALL THE WORK, WE NOTICE THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP, OR WE'RE SO TIRED WE DON'T CARE.
DOING ALL THE WORK IN A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT LOVING, GIVING, OR CARING. IT IS SELF-DEFEATING AND RELATIONSHIP-DEFEATING. IT CREATES THE ILLUSION OF A RELATIONSHIP WHEN IN FACT THERE MAY BE NO RELATIONSHIP. IT ENABLES THE OTHER PERSON TO BE IRRESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER SHARE. BECAUSE THAT DOES NOT MEET OUR NEEDS, WE ULTIMATELY FEEL VICTIMIZED.
IN OUR BEST RELATIOSHIPS, WE ALL HAVE TEMPORARY PERIODS WHERE ONE PRSON PARTICIPATES MORE THAN THE OTHER. THIS IS NORMAL. BUT AS A PERMANENT WAY OF PARTICIPATION IN RELATIONSHIPS, IT LEAVES US FEELING TIRED, WORN OUT, NEEDY AND ANGRY.
WE CAN LEARN TO PARTICIPATE A RESONABLE AMOUNT, THEN LET THE RELATIONSHIP FIND IT'S OWN LIFE. ARE WE DOING ALL THE CALLING? ARE WE DOING ALL THE INITIATING? ARE WE DOING ALL THE GIVING? ARE WE THE ONE TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS AND STRIVING FOR INTIMACY?
ARE WE DOING ALL THE WAITING, THE HOPING, THE WORK?
WE CAN LET GO. IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE, AND IT WILL BECOME WHAT IT IS MEANT TO BE. WE DO NOT HELP THAT PROCESS BY TRYING TO CONTROL IT. WE DO NOT HELP OURSELVES, THE OTHER PERSON, OR THE RELATIONSHIP BY TRYING TO FORCE IT OR BY DOING ALL THE WORK.
LET IT BE. WAIT AND SEE. STOP WORRYING ABOUT MAKING IT HAPPEN. SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND STRIVE TO UNDERSTAND IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.
NOV 9, LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It is just so sad. It is a lack of communication that hurts most. We were brought up to shut up, suck it up, and don't talk about it. Well, this is where it got us.
Thats soooo true
Yes, I finally could not carry it all on my own.
I was no use to him at that point, and that is when he started bad-talking me to others about me not being a good wife.
Thank you for this thread.
Thanks for the post
Its okay if no one agrees with me here, I just had to say it. Most dont have any other options.
I do wish you well with your "moving on".
Did you get that out of a book? If so can you give me the name of it? Thanks!! I need that pumped in I.V. lol
Your friend,
Lisa
abusehurts