Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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A second chance

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband left me 3 months ago. And He DEVASTATED me! I couldnt sleep or eat for a month. And then it took another month to begin to accept that he had really left me. I found my strength and was getting to a point where I could really start to live for me and our kids. All the while I would be his devils advocate. I would make it a point to remind him of the horrible mistake he had made, and that we were worth a second chance. Well it turns out that the stronger and more determined I got, the more doubts he was starting to show. And the next thing I know he is staying at the house, and has been here for over 2 weeks now. Well I am here to say that this second chance is not what I was hoping for. It makes me more uncomfortable than I was when I thought he was never coming home again. Something is missing now. And it is the innocence, that has been lost now. I love him with every fiber of my being. I have not changed, he did when he left me. I want nothing more than to have him come home for good. But right now things just seem so weird. I also cannot get out of my mind that most "second chances" end up right back where we all are right now. I am not bouncing off the walls. And things shouldnt be the same. I am not looking for that. Our marriage should be different now. So many things have been said that cannot be ignored. I am scared. I thought I would be over the moon with happiness. And its just not the case. So with this second chance , I have to have my eyes wide open ,and make sure that I dont let my guard down for him to hurt me again. The man I have been married to for 13 years ..today. So even though I have been given this chance, I am not so sure it is going to be able to work. Because I am not the same person I was before. It is a sad strained feeling. I still love him soooo much..And with anything only time will tell.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was where you are. When my x left me I too continued to email him and begged him to come home, telling him what a mistake he made and everything I could to make him feel guilty. I finally laid off it about 2 years after he left me. Then he decided to come home.

My story differs at this point, because I was ecstatic!!! I opened the door to our home back up to him full speed ahead. I was in heaven and so were the kids. He was too, or so he said. I let my guard down and he hurt me terribly again.

I'm not saying that will happen to you, I have seen many relationships work on a second chance. You both just need to be able to forgive (I know you can never forget) and move forward. Have you guys considered counseling? Do you by chance go to church?

I wish I knew what to tell you, but I failed at it, so I'm not much help. But I would like to say that, yes, please guard your heart. The pain is overwhelming when they walk away again, not only for you but the children.

I really wish you the best. I've been where you are and I'm here if you need to talk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I want to be an optomist...that trauma can lead to a stronger partnership down the road. You would be unrealalistic to want things back as they were, but if your heart will let you maybe you can find a new relationship with your old love. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

One last thing, I am sure that some second chances do work out, but those people are sure not posting here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just to share something I read - a relationship that goes through the time of trauma associated with a divorce or seperation can never go back to what it once was. Alternatively it can be rebuilt to something new, something that can be as equally strong - just not what it once was. So that being said - what it means is that the two people in the relationship need to find the reasons to fall in love all over again and build a new foundation for their relationship.

(jeez I can't believe how touchy-feely I've become :) )
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there honey. It will be different and awkward for a while. That's normal. You will have to fall in love all over again. What is important is if you both still care about each other and are both trying.
deleted_user
deleted_user
As always I appreciate all of your input. And I am just scared. I am hoping for the best, but he was so cold and distant in the beginning and so much has been said. I do love him. And to stay in seperate houses is whats best right now. I want to take all of the precautionary steps,before he moves back in . I really believe that we will find each other again, but it is going to take time. And as we all know..time is on our side. I mean I didnt really think I would ever get this chance. And I do know that all second chances dont end up bad. I just am looking at it this way, Even if it dont work out...I will NEVER end up back where I was 3 months ago.
deleted_user
deleted_user
3748 - I hope we are not the same people that we were when we separated. Although I didn't leave because of another person, I never in a million years imagined that he would want to give it a second chance. But we both realized that we love each other and we want to make this work. It's not easy. I go to see him and it's very hard to go back to my place. I can't even call it home, it's just where I sleep. He is in OUR home. We know we have a lot of work to do and it won't always be easy, but I think if two people want it bad enough and love each other enough it can happen! And it Scares me to death because I don't want to get hurt again either. I have had enough pain for the rest of my life. Keep your chin up and keep in touch! Good Luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You can only go slow and figure it out little by little. I wanted a second chance so bad, it just consumed me.

But when you do have time to reflect sometimes it does bring us worry and other considerations. Who wants to be hurt again? Can I actually go through this? Why is my guard so high?

Not sure what is right for anybody, I about a month ago decided I could not handle the pain, rejection and crying ever again from her. Yes it was the second time, so I needed to learn. But there I was hurt again. The 3rd time is not going to happen.
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