I am so sick of those jewellery commercials, now there is the one where the kid reads..."T'was the night before Christmas and Mom didn't know, that Dad was behind her with a box and a bow..." GAG me!!!!

So hear is my version!!!

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Twas the year of his life hell regret evermore
When he tired of his wife, and took up with a whore;

His assets were hidden offshore with great care,
In hopes that the tax man, wont find them there;

His wife was at work, the kids were in school,
Brought the whore to his bed, he was such a fool;

With him in his skivvies and her all in lace,
They started the deed, then kept up the pace;

From out in the yard came the sound of a car,
He wanted to hide but wouldnt get far;

Away from the bedroom he flew like a flash,
His wife was before him, hed nowhere to dash;

The look on her face was one of pure hate,
Cause she had been loyal from their very first date,

Then into his throat his stomach did leap,
Cause wifes on the phone with lawyers Read, Uhm, and Weap.

With an order in place he moved out pretty quick,
In his drab, cold apartment, he felt rather sick.

More rapid than eagles, his whore dumped him too,
He begged and he pleaded, but she said We are through...

Youre old and youre broke, a washed up old coot,
I want a lover with hair, and some loot!

From the top of his game to a bottomless pit,
He lost all he had for a small piece of tit!

And as he was wallowing in self-pity and doubt,
His wife and her lawyers had just started out,

So all through his files they dug and they flew,
And found all his assets, and some other dirt too!

Then early one morning he heard from his guys,
His lawyers were nervous, he had acted unwise.

He drew in his breath, and thought of his fate
His wife showed no mercy, and had a court date;

He got dressed for the trial, but then started pacing,
When he thought of his future, and what hed be facing;

Looking up from the papers hed crammed in his case,
He looked round the room, saw his wife face to face.

Her eyes how they twinkled, her figure so shapely,
She never looked better, divorce agreed with her greatly!

Her cute little mouth was set in a line,
And the new Prada dress made her look very fine;

The team of her lawyers had followed her in,
One glanced to the side and gave him a grin;

The hubby was sweating, with rocks in his belly,
He felt he was standing on a block of cold jelly.

The judge was a woman, now what were the chances?
And she wasnt impressed with his circumstances;

A glare of her eye, a shake of her head,
Soon gave him to know he had plenty to dread;

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
When his story came out, he felt like a jerk;

And pounding her gavel to make it all done,
He wished for a drink, or a smoke, or a gun;

He got to his feet, to his team gave his money,
They smiled went they took it, but thought it quite funny;

And they heard him complain as he walked down the halls,
That bitch got my money, my kids and my balls!