Emotion Word Picture of My Mood Today:

Today I feel like Im on an escalator. This escalator is very tall and is slanted at an 80 degree angle. There are hundreds and hundreds of steps in front of me before I reach the top of it.

As I walk up the escalator steps, I notice the escalator motion is going in the opposite direction from me. The escalator steps are coming down. As I take one step forward to go up, the downward motion of the escalator brings me back 2 steps past the point I started at. I continue walking these steps today and yet I seem to end up farther away from the top, my goal.

Explanation:

The more I reach out to this woman who Ive learned to honor and cherish the further away she goes.

The downward motion of the escalator represents the bad times we had in the marriage (the history, the baggage, the fights, the misunderstandings, the past). The downward motion of the escalator represents my wifes inability at this point to let go of that past.

The upward motion represents me making the necessary changes inside me to not repeat the same horrible mistakes I made in this relationship. I will not be a dog chasing its tail to repeat the same circle over and over again. The upward motion represents the changes Im making to learn how to be in and act in a loving relationship where understanding, communication, friendship as well as intimacy can co-exist and thrive. Its a relationship where partners are on the same team and when one losses they both lose, but when one partner wins they both win. The upward motion represents me taking responsibility for my own happiness as well honoring and cherishing the women (my chosen mate) I took vows with.

For better or for worse thats the promise I made to this women. On the brink of the ending of this marriage I believe this is the worse part I promised to keep in the vows I took. I cannot think anything worse than losing this woman from my life. As I promised I will stick by her, love her and cherish any time I have left. She will be greatly missed and I will have learned a very valuable, but painful life lesson, which will never be repeated.

Life Lesson:

To find someone you truly love in this life is a gift from God. That love should be honored and cherished. That person wont be perfect and will make mistakes. Sometimes they make and repeat a lot of mistakes. Life will also throw its curves and trials to test the relationship as well as each person in the relationship.

If both partners can find love in each other and come to a true understanding in there communication to where each others emotions are at in the marriage, that love will grow and can be a source of great strength that can handle anything life throws at you.

I have learned my wife is not my enemy and should not be treated as such. I have learned my wife is part of me. Shes an extension of me. She brings to me emotions, thoughts and a completely different understanding of situations that I could never know by myself.

I hope my wife learns someday Im not her enemy too. I stay devoted to this woman who I love and cherish. She is my soul mate and she will be missed.