Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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6months later and the pain is new again

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband threw me and my kids out on 10/22 he filed for divorce. Threatend me I had to get a protection order. He moved a herion addict in with him less then a month after we split and has her care for my child. When he is suppose to have him. He refuses to pay me any support because he says he isn't working but has a brand new luxury car. We haven't talked in all this time not one word. On Feburary 19th I had a surgery that became infected and has compromised my imune system and caused me to be very ill. Then on march 17th st patty's day my true irish luck showed through when I was assaulted at work and had my tail bone broken. I still have the infection from the surgery and it has become really bad staff and possibly gone into my bones. Through all this I have had a guy friend who has been there for me everyday and taken care of me I actually felt I could trust someone again. Then this week I got him stealing from me not only once but twice. The first one he had to admit to the second time he denied. Needless to say I have cut my friendship off from him. I live in a very small town and my husband has a very large family and I have actually been called a cunt in front of my children by a stranger. about two weeks ago my STBX and I met to file our taxes it was the first time we had talked in 6 months. My heart broke into pieces. He has been calling e and talking to me and basically I know he is only being nice to me to try to manipulate me, but I feel I'm at rock bottom. I am more depressed and devestated now then when we first split up. I feel like no one would even care if I just didn't wake up tommorow. What is wrong with me. Why is it impossible for anyone to LOVE me? I really can't take one more thing going wrong or even one more ounce of pain. I give up I don't even want to try anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow. That is alot to handle. I didn't have near enough crap going on and its been a year for me and I am still having problems. Although I am tons better than a year ago.

As for the feeling of not feeling loved. I know that feeling well. I am not loved by my family so I am very "needy" toward any friends I have or make.

When its gets this bad for me, I just try to breathe. Just take the day by hours instead of days. Don't look into the future cuz it hurts so I just try to focus on the now.

Just breathe and hang in. Try to take a break from what pains you -- the things you can break from like your STBX.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so very sorry for all that you have been through. What seems to be wrong is that you are maxed out beyond overload and need support. We care if you wake up tommorow. Your children care if you wake up tommorow. There is alot of support here for you.Please don't give up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry you had more on your plate to deal with! :( But you are still here...you are talking about things and that is a good thing! Sometimes you have to step back...WAY back and regroup. That means from your stbx too! Limit your talking with him as much as you can...focus on you and regaining your health. You will be no good to your child if they do not have a healthy mom. Things will start to turn around if you focus on yourself...mentally & physically. Hang in there girl!
deleted_user
deleted_user
schhhhhhhhit thats alot to deal with..holy cow!..you can be loved..you derserve to be loved..you've just ran into some really miserable jerks..stay strong and you can do it and we'll help..i promise
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am speechless..which is rare. First of all , no more men for you. I know why they're needed and I know about companionship. But there is nothing a man can do to save you from what's going on in your life. It's not impossible for anyone to love you. It's time for you to start loving yourself enough for you and them. Learn to be bothered by what's important. Being called a cunt would piss me off too and especialy in front of the kids. Say "thank you" and move one. People will do to you what you allow them to do. Stand tall. there's got to be a great reward for you at the end of this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i, too, am at a loss. you are not unlovable, but really need to focus on YOURSELF and your kids. you are a mom. that makes you tremendously important to your children. they care very much if you are here tomorrow, the next day, the next year and the next decade. if there is any way for you to find support from a counselor, through work, through a church through an agency I would really encourage you to find it. It sounds like where you live there are some people who are small and thoughtless. I am also sure there are people who are kind and generous. all the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I found myself at the "bottom of the well" for a time...oddly enough I didn't realize that there were real hands, connected to real human beings reaching out to me for a while. You have to learn to change your perspective. Look UP...not down!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry you are having to go through so many difficult things at once. I've also been through times like that and it does feel like it all gets too much and you break. But the truth is you are so very much stronger and capable that you think you are. And you are so very important in this life - you are here for a reason and it's NOT to be hurt and miserable. There is so much love in store for you and so much love already here for you with your children and your family, friends and everyone here at DS.
And people who say such terrible things - what they say and do has nothing to do with you at all. Can you imagine what kind of person has to say such awful things to another human being to make themselves feel 'better'? Not even worth one second of your time.
The hardest thing to do sometimes is to remain true to your own heart when someone is being so awful to you. But it's so important to realize that their ugliness is not a reflection of you or anything you've done. They feel ugly and so that's all they can give to anyone else.
You are not like that and thats what you need to always remember. There is nothing wrong with you; there is something wrong with the other people who don't know how to love anyone else or how to be a decent human being and that's actually pretty sad.
You are a good person and have a lot of love in your heart to give and you will find another wonderful person out there who will give you all that love in return. Please don't give up; there are so many good things in life that you will find again. Sometimes it just takes awhile to weather the storm. Hang in there and keep reaching out here because you know there will always be someone reaching back to hold your hand. (((hugs)))
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with courrier...perspective may have a lot to do with it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you all for your replies. I too understand not haveing the support of my family my Mother has never been there for me and none of my family even call to check on me. In fact noone calls me unless they need something. Then the other day my best friend of 18 years said to me well maybe people would call you or want to be around you if you weren't so negative all the time. Well excuse me all to hell for being devestated at all that is happening to me and not having anyone to lean on. DS helps so much but honestly I need love and support from someone who can just hug me and let me cry.Then I have my kids say things like I hate you or I want to live with my dad and it makes things so much worse. Lets just pour salt in the wounds.I have been hurt by everyone I have ever cared about and I just feel like there must be something wrong with me if my own mother dosen't even give a shit what happens to me. I am just so alone. I haven't talked to anyone other then my kids in days and my STBX briefly. I just want to go to bed and stay there for the rest of my life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am sorry that you cannot rely on your family. i would like to, but it hasn't worked out for me either. i do want to really encourage you to look to resources in your community that can help you. DS is great, but I am sure there are people where you live that have things to offer you as well. all the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a friend who I met here in Maryland and she moved away and returned maybe 5 months ago. Before she came back she called me every day several times a day. It got to the point where my co workers would see me on the phone and just figure it was her. I have been separated 2 years and she was my wittness when I went to court in January. I also suffer from seasonal depression and she was well aware of this. Saying all of this to say. When I really needed her during my depression she damn near vanished. I made up in my mind that it was an unhealthy relationship. When she forced me into a conversation where I had to tell her the truth I did. In return she said to me that I come with a lot of issues and when she has things going on she doesn't have room for my junk too. Although we talked a lot, 98% of the phone calls were initiated by her so if there was a problem with my issues all she had to do was not call. I never thought I was putting my junk off on others. I have let go of relationships that were not healthy. I am also working on having a healthy relationship with myself...which comes 1st....Maybe that's a good place for you to attempt being.
Fuzzybunny
Fuzzybunny
I really feel for you. I hope you have taken the lead in making sure you get good medical care. It is hard in this state - but pain can intensify depression big time. I agree that you need to look up rather than down. Take baby steps.
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