I am going through an odd divorce, at least it seems to me to be different from the norm. One day the end of August my wife pulled me aside and told me that she wanted to be with this friend she has. Not unusual, except this friend has been in prison for the last 18 years. I have been married for almost 13 years this month, and somewhere around 2nd or 3rd year my wife mentioned that she had an old friend who was a guest of the state. She was unsure if she should contact, she played him off as just a friend as she was engaged to another man she eventually married when she knew him. I encouraged my wife to do so as she seem to miss this friend and I figured he could use a pen pal. So they communicated off and on for years, writing and not writing all this time. During all this time it was presented that she thought of him as her brother, and they were just close because her ex-fiancee/husband was a bit of a sociopath. I should mention that her ex husband physically, sexually, and mentally abused her during her marriage, which she escaped by literally climbing out a window. I've always supported my wife through all her whims, wants, and needs. She has a seizure disorder that causes pain and numbness down her right side and while she works, I do all the household chores of cleaning, cooking and laundry for her and our two kids. The last three years we've spent a lot of money as she took in a 16 year old girl she knew who had a bad home life. My wife wanted this and I supported this and the money we spent on this, as I knew she really wanted to help this girl as she reminds her of the daughter she would have had except for her first miscarriage. Now that she is leaving a different story has emerged. Its seem her and this man did have a real relationship, evidently while she was engaged to her ex. This was the man that made her feel safe and evidently is the only man she has ever invested herself in. They've never kissed or were sexually active together but she is convinced that he is and always was her soulmate. It's odd, we've never really fought, or argued during our marriage. Anyone who knew us would think we were happy, I was at least. She tells me that she has faced depression the entire time we were married and just hid it from me. Now that this man is getting out early on his 40 year prison sentence, they have all these plans to be together. He has a sizable trust fund his parents have set up for them, and she has already started to look at new houses where she wants to live, and cars she wants to buy. As she is leaving me with a sizable debt that she is not on the hook(all the debt is mostly in my name) I am having to go bankrupt as I can't pay it off on just my pay. So here I am at 44 trying to figure out how to start over. I am blessed that I am getting full custody of my children as we have agreed that her friend is to have no contact with them till at least 2 years after he is paroled to make sure he acclimates back to the world after 18 years of institutional life. Everything seems so hard now, things that I would have consider minor hardships before now sends me off into fits of depression. It looks like she will be able to move out soon now, which I feel bad about for the children, but I am sort of relieved for myself. Her friend doesn't even get out till sometime next year, so he isn't in the picture except by phone calls which she receives nightly, and letters which she spends writing 2-4 hours a day everyday. I just don't know what to do, this seems like a bad movie plot to me, or some tasteless sitcom with a bad punch line. The woman who just a few months ago was telling me she "Loved me". I was her "Favorite Person", once or twice even that I was the "Love of her life" is leaving, and I am just handling it badly. I am worried this is something I will not be able to recover from. I know it is the hardest thing I have dealt with in my entire life, as the one person I depended on for support is the one causing this heartbreak. I am not sure why I am posting this, except I guess I feel alone. I feel like a failure, as this relationship was the most important thing to me, and now it is gone. I gave 12 years doing everything, and now have nothing.
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