Last October I left home to begin training for work abroad. The training meant I would be gone for six months. It was very difficult to leave as I had been in a year long relationship and was deeply in love. The man I was in love with was 38, never married and had a reputation as a ladies man who admittedly had commitment issues. However, he surprized everyone by telling me he would commit to me before I left. The first couple of months were hard and then it only became more difficult. He was becoming more and more distant and after 4 months, he told me by email that he was sorry he couldnt give me the support I needed and that being apart was very difficult. He then said he wasn't sure what he was looking for but was still looking. I begged him to come and see me and he agreed reluctantly. I told him our relationship was suffering and couldnt develop because we were apart and that we both had to make an effort to spend more time together. We then both agreed that one of us would fly to each other every other weekend until the remaining 2 months of my training were over. This seemed to be working until he told me 3 weeks later that he had obtained a promotion abroad. He said he didnt tell me about it earlier because he didnt think hed get the job. I was very upset but he told me we could continue and once I got back we could re-evaluate our relationship and look at a transfer for me if everything was going well. I asked him straight out if he wanted me in his life and he said yes. He said he wanted things to work out whatever the situation was. Later that evening he expressed how sad he was as his mom had been ill and would soon be put in a home. He broke down and it was a very intimate moment. After some discussion he later admitted that he was expressing grief over both his mom and what was happening with us. When I got back to training my employers found out about my boyfriends promotion and on their own accord were kind enough to seek my transfer to his location soon as my training was over. My boyfriend was concerned and stressed over this news as he said he felt like he had to give me a ring if I were to move. He said he was worried that I would leave my friends and family and if things didnt work out, I would be all alone abroad. Next thing I know, 3 days later and 1 month before the end of my training, he broke up with me over the phone. He said we should have stayed broken up the first time. He sounded completely different on the phone. Cold. Yet near the end of the call he cried and that was the last time I spoke to him. Five months ago. I sent him a long email shortly after and told him I was sorry for giving him unnecessary pressure and he responded by saying that he wanted things to work out and that he did try but that he felt enormous pressure to give it all or nothing but that he couldnt give me more of a commitment and so he felt it was the right decision to end it. Once I got home, I found out he had been involved in a relationship with another woman while I was away. I also found out that he knew all along he would get the job but intentionally hid it from me. I spoke with his Dad and he told me I had gotten closer to his son than any other woman. Meanwhile his brother and brother-in-law had warned me all along that relationships with my ex dont last long. Shortly after I got back I learned my ex approached two mutual friends of ours and told them both independently that he had avoided contact with me once I was back because he was afraid we would probably end up in bed together but that it wouldnt change anything. I confronted him with his lies with one more email in May and he never replied. Although I have to admit that the email was not the friendliest especially as I discovered how deep his manipulations and lies were. He left in June for his job and I found out his relationship with the other woman ended before he left. I did not transfer my job and I have not heard from him at all. No goodbyes. Nothing. Although he did speak with a mutual work friend in July regarding business but made a point to ask her how my birthday was. Two weeks ago I found out his dear sweet Mom had passed on. I felt I had to express my condolences but was too afraid to call or email him for fear of hearing the rejection all over again. Instead I had flowers sent to his Dads home where I knew the family would be gathered. I addressed the card to his father, sister, brother and him. I was not expecting a response but I certainly didnt expect what happened next. He removed me from facebook the next day. I cant understand why he would do something so hurtful and mean. I am having such a hard time with this. I dont know if any of his feelings were ever sincere. I feel used. I am trying to rationalize his latest behaviour by thinking that he was angry that I didnt call him instead of sending the flowers. He knew I was aware of what his Mom meant to him. And I never chased him or said goodbye before he left. Maybe his ego was hurt. However, some of my friends simply think he doesnt care and is sending a message that he wants nothing to do with me. How could someone do something so monsterous. How do I put this behind me. Despite everything I still love him.
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