Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
...and I will take all the support I can get, In fact, as self judging as I tend to be, I must admit- I am wallowing in self-pity.
I got divorced 3 years ago now. It was amiable. I tend to see things from a spiritual perspective and by the time of my divorce, I felt strong, self-directed, happy to parent my 2 children and very happy to see where my life would go with just me driving the car. I joined an online support group because I felt I had strength to offer. I offered it! I was pursued by a man on the forum and we ended up becoming friends and then more than friends and Readers Digest version- we fell in love. It was long distance but very passionate, very spiritual and very codependent. Cut to the chase- after 2 + years of big love and big chaos, I ended it.
I cannot let go. I am obsessed. I want him back like breathing air. I am realizing there is an addictive quality to all this that I have to look at- maybe that is Gos gift to me. BUT- I am in a lot of pain. I wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about him. Everything reminds me of him! I cannot let go and it is beginning to be hurtful- meaning my inability to let go (he has moved way on) is hurting me!
I am blessed with incredible friends, all of whom are glad its over (they have lived through it with me)- and I am starting to feel like maybe they are getting just a little sick of hearing my story and my pain and my longing and my grief.
So here I am- open and receptive- willing to listen and so helping to help, too!
Rebekah
I got divorced 3 years ago now. It was amiable. I tend to see things from a spiritual perspective and by the time of my divorce, I felt strong, self-directed, happy to parent my 2 children and very happy to see where my life would go with just me driving the car. I joined an online support group because I felt I had strength to offer. I offered it! I was pursued by a man on the forum and we ended up becoming friends and then more than friends and Readers Digest version- we fell in love. It was long distance but very passionate, very spiritual and very codependent. Cut to the chase- after 2 + years of big love and big chaos, I ended it.
I cannot let go. I am obsessed. I want him back like breathing air. I am realizing there is an addictive quality to all this that I have to look at- maybe that is Gos gift to me. BUT- I am in a lot of pain. I wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about him. Everything reminds me of him! I cannot let go and it is beginning to be hurtful- meaning my inability to let go (he has moved way on) is hurting me!
I am blessed with incredible friends, all of whom are glad its over (they have lived through it with me)- and I am starting to feel like maybe they are getting just a little sick of hearing my story and my pain and my longing and my grief.
So here I am- open and receptive- willing to listen and so helping to help, too!
Rebekah
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I was in a relationship for 2 yrs. last night he left me...I feel so empty and lost. This man was my best friend and my lover. Everything was just thrown away...and I don’t know how to handle all this. All I want to do is cry and scream and never stop. I don’t know what the best way to get over this...
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Where is?
Oh sorry, hello ;)
Lynne
(((((hugss))))))
~Joe
If you can, you should go to a counselor. They can help you sort through your feeling.
(((((Rebekah)))))
Again, welcome to DS.
I do believe that ending the first relationship after your divorce (maybe not a rebound...there was a discussion of what constitutes a rebound relationship) is almost as hard or harder than the marriage ending.
Maybe this is a double whammy: pain from divorce, pain from ending relationship.
I do think counseling is a good idea, to try to figure out what's going on. I like it here, I hope you find support and wisdom and knowledge here as well.
(((Rebekah1)))
First thank you all for the repsonse and the compassion.
I do see a therapist. I love my therapist- she, too is happy the relationship is over. My ex had an anger issue and would rage at me with jeslousy over imagined transgressions. I never cheated- never thought about it!!
I started feeling very attracted to him and thinking about being with him probably 6 months after my divorce. Definately a rebound BUT we had a very spiritual connection and we were best friends. When we became lovers, it was a piece of Heaven- truly lovely and gracious! I must say, and I can only speak as a woman- making love is a soulful action- it requires ones soul and trying to reclaim the soul afterwards is just plain hard- for me, anyway!
Why I broke up with him? Wasnt the first time- alot of it had to do with his anger. Also we had a triangulated relationship involving another woman who was each of our best friend. She betrayed me with him- telling him confidences and lying to him about me going to dinner with another man. This was not the case but he would not let go of identifying me as an adulteress. The night I broke up with him he denigrated me. Its a long story but I was hurting over the betrayal incident and he was telling me he was holding me and kissing me (on the phone) and that I should share the detials of my thoughts with im. I was resistant to do so! I did so and then he switched his tone asnd told me I was addicted to drama, to chaos, that I owed amends and that I better think long and hard about my trip to see him. In truth, the only drama & chaos I felt was in the ocntext of our relationship. I prayed about it all night and in the light of the morning I decided not to go and to end it- to end the cycle of love/pain/love/pain.....
And then I regretted it- and he will have nohting to do with me. In fact I am going to Afghanistan with my church and need to file my will. He is in my will and I emailed aksing for his thoughts about changing the will and he would not even respons to that. I gotta respect his zero contact.
Anyway- the pain is great! I need to explore in myself the addictive quality of the relationship. I have much to be reponsible for. In the midst of the anger and jealousy was someone who loved me like no other....I am scared I will never know this depth again!
There may be typos here - cant seem to edit....
Thank you for listening.
In gratitude--
Beckah
Let me know your thoughts!
I am sending you a lot of strenght and love and please believe me, it does get a bit easier with time. Slowly but surely. Yes, you will hurt like hell but you will also see that you are changing, evolving in the process. Fasten your seat belt because this is a roller coaster ride.
We are here for you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))))))