You'll make it through, one day at a time just like the rest of us. It hurts and it will hurt for a while but there is a light shining and you'll find it again. Take care, Beth

How many years were you married? The same thing just happened to me after 20 years and I feel EXACTLY like you do- it's been 6 weeks and we had our 3rd court appointment- the first two were postponed. Before us was a woman finalizing her divorce from a 36 marriage, she was crying- it's all so sad... I'm begining to think men just don't have what it takes for a lifetime commitment and to work through things- they think everything should be easy..It sucks. My saving grace has been my friends, walking, antideppressnts and this site. But I'm still a mess!Good luck to you!

We will help you through. It does feel like you will never be happy again. It is like facing a death. Just hold on to the rest of us, we will help you stand.

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's the saying right? I hate when those sayings are right. Then again, better than the alternate :) We're all here along different levels of the escalator. Once it can't get worse it usually gets better :) At least that's the hope.

I felt like was reading my own story, only I didn't start crying until month five and now I can't stop. WE were married for 16 years before he left in June and we are still attempting to reconcile. If I hear him say he is sorry or doesn't knowone more time I will flip. You will make it through, I am always surprised where I find strength. This site is invaluable, everyone seems to be feeling the same things and having so many similiar experiences. And I think I have to agree with Sandi Jo. Most men are not cut out for long term relationships. They are just to selfish. Good luck. You will be just fine. You are a good person and you deserve happiness.

yeah, many, some, one, any, never all. There seem to be a lot here that the wifey wanted outey

You will fall apart and put yourself back together again. Stronger.

I thought my world was over when my wife walked out. All the questions you posed, I have posed to myself as well. It still is very hard and still have some very dark days after 7 months. But things improve and unfortunately time is the best to heal. You will make it through. You are not alone.

Just for the record to all other fellow repliers, my wife left me because she didn't want to be married any longer to anyone. I was devastated. There are men out there that value and desire long term loving relationships and commitments, just as there are women who do not value these things. So please stop generalizing.

wow, it's been a while, this almost made me cry, it was me writing this a few months ago. HONEY, you will make it through this. the feelings you are feeling are awful, but you'll get through them. stop asking questions, you'll never get answers. your on your own now, but you have all of us here to help you through it.

Yes I'm on the lower end of the escalator, or as I like to consider it the roller coaster. The pain of the begining stage is so unbarable. Then the added experience of the constant self doubhting questions hurt worse. Soon your emotional reactions will subside and your rational self will come through. Not that this will relieve pain immediately but it will reveal a path towards a new life, thats not so bad.

And yes, I am another man left bye the wayside for reasons that now after almost two months of time to think only amount to hard times, and so she chose the easy way out.

hi.
I know it might sound horrible right now, but I believe you should count yourself lucky!!!
if he is not happy with you... let him go, show him the door and lock it right after him.
the lucky part is that he told you he wants out. so you are not living in a lie anymore.
believe me it would be much more painfull if he was sending you mixed messages, like one day he wants out and the next day he says he loves you lots and is so sorry because he is losing you.
that, my friend, is TORTURE, pure evil.
so...if he wants out... let him go (help him packing), do your crying and start a new life.
once you've donne your crying you will find you are a much better/stronger person.
like LarryLDN said :
whatever doesn't kill you can only mke you stroger.

It has been 4 months for me and I am still completely devastated. I keep hearing that time will heal all wounds but mine is a black hole. I get mad at myself for always crying and being sad but don't know how to change my thoughts. I don't have fun and am unable to function some days. I was married for 12 years and never thought that he would leave me either. Now I don't even know who he is. He is still hurting me and being so mean and nasty to me. I could give him so much more grief but I choose to be the decent person. He is even doing the neighbor behind me and i haven't done anything crazy yet. From what I have read on ds, we are all in the same sinking boat and need each other to get out. I hope it gets better for you and everyone on ds soon.

my thoughts echo yours. it really hurts to think about it....and also you may never get the answers you are looking for (i haven't at least). what helped me was keeping my eye on the FUTURE and working towards goals I made for MYSELF. somedays you have setbacks, but it really does keep you from sinking into dread. keep your head up, happier days WILL come. *hugs to you*

The start of this journey is the roughest. Don't put a time limit on yourself. Everyone heals at a different rate.

You have to be able to see the fortunate side of things..and there is one. We are all better off without people like these as partners. A true partner doesn't, lie, cheat, manipulate or overpower. It takes quite a bit of healing to get to that point though.

I may not be the happiest person on earth right now, but I'm so much better off without him!