I would follow your attny's advice. Why should you have to suffer by sleeping on the couch? The house is just as much yours as it is hers!

Listen to your attny. I wouldn't sleep on the couch for a year..neither would she.

Scott, I would put my stuff in a room upstairs just like your attorney told you to. If your wife has a problem with that, tell her to talk to YOUR attorney about it & leave it at that.

Do what the attorney says, they know best.

Also, for you, are you getting counseling? This is a terrible situation and it sounds like you could use some advice about how best to deal with her. I read your journal and it sounds like a difficult situation.

so I know whats coming next, but maybe I need to hear it over and over .. If I move upstairs I'm ending the marriage

If there's an extra bedroom then there is no reason for you not to use it.

Scott, to be honest, you have to call it what you want. Give some space, take some space of your own & get into some counseling. Don't wait on her hand & foot. Be there for her when she needs it, but not CONSTANTLY. You have to also do what is right for YOU!~! Sometimes, well, change is good. :)

I think you should be able to sleep in the other room. If she is really worried, should she not be worried about what the kids think about you sleeping on the sofa? I having the same problem, but my husband has been wanting to sleep on the sofa and has been for a year now. I wish we had another room and I would let him sleep in it. It gets hard to move around in life when someone on the sofa sleeping in the morning. I feel bad and I hard to explain to the children why it happening. I guess that's why he never comes home anymore to sleep.

If there is no legal reason for you not to be around the kids, then she is being uncooperative. Get up stairs!!!!

Hell.. I slept on the couch for 3 years.
HE had the queen-size bed in a nice bedroom.

My lawyers told me to do the same thing. I reluctantly moved one of the kids in with her siblings at night and I slept on the bed. I had a door, a place to put my stuff. No lock.. so after finding him going thru my stuff I moved all my private papers, jewelery that he had not stolen, my camera and other possessions to my parents condo for safe-keeping.

This is your house too. I am sure your kids are not thrilled to see you on the couch. You have to set an example to your kids that you are an equal partner, with equal privilieges. Let them see their father as an adult member of the family, not some displaced person on the couch.

please move to a bedroom.

I agree and think it will be better for you and the kids. That what matters most right now. She lost and you can't help her, she need to do it.

My best advice is to do everything your attorney says, by the book

im the step dad though

There is another Virginian on here who had indicated you have some law in VA about not leaving the marital home or bed. So do what he says.

She may be trying to manipulate your settlement: I am sure she has a good lawyer. Just in case she is not, respect her paranoia about her kids and just say good night or good morning if you pass them, but if they want to communicate, bring it downstairs.

Your still a father in their eye's and yours ... that's what counts.