God will forgive he forgives all. Only if we seek forgiveness. You will have all the chances you need as long as you seek him. Asfar as others on earth forgiving you, thats hard to say & is their problem. Ask yourself What would jesus do. He gave his life. for us. Have faith.

Thank you so much for your reply .
I didn't think any one would reply or understand.
I didn't do anything really bad like beat her or cheat on her...i just messed things up.

darn, checked your profile, I was hoping you were my husband. Oh well.

Remorse is great and all, it shows you have a conscience, but the only way to seek forgiveness is to try to make up the damage you have done, to the person or people to whom you have done it. All you can do is say "It will never, ever happen again, and if you will let me I will prove it." Then you have to actually do it. Otherwise, apologies are just pretty words.

Yes forgivness can be given. Owning your part in the marriage failue is the beginning to growth. Forgiveness however may not restore a marriage. It all depends on the people involved, the things that went wrong and what can be done to repair it.

Most of the people on this board have been cheated on. Infidelity leaves deep scars on trust. If a 2nd chance were to occur. I would Imagine that the cheater would have to be completely transparent and very accountable and go to counseling and listen listen to their wounded spouse. Learn how to correct poor coping mechanisms and communicate better. It happens I don't know how successful it is.

That said in my situation. I have forgiven my spouse. He has hurt be deeply with the porn and the cheating. He has moved on and so have I. I still have trust issues and it will likely take a long time before I get serious again but In time and with an understandng person those things heal.

Yes you absolutely can be forgiven .,. It is yours for the asking.. The hardest part is going to be forgiving yourself, but it can be done.. A wise friend told me that forgiveness isn't for the person that committed the wrong., that it doesn't mean you condone or like what they did or are going to be best friends with them, that forgiveness is for us, so that we stop blaming ourselves and can love ourselves and feel worthy of having someone else love us.. Forgive yourself.. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect.. learn the lesson and move forward toward the light..... Hugs to you of healing and caring... Kimmee

You are one very wise women.
I have remorse so bad that its eaten away at my heart and mind like you couldn't imagine.
The problem with me is (its taken the split to realise this) is that I'm selfish and I got to complainant with what I had...If you know what I mean ....Like leaving my dirty clothes on the floor ,Not rinsing out the bath, not offering to cook, Not going to bed at the same time, not giving the love that I have inside me 4 her, Not treating her like a princess instead as some one to look after my day 2 day needs, basically not being the other half of a relationship that should include 22222 50% 50%!.
She was only my second LOVE . I find it hard to trust having been hurt in the past and when I met my wife I couldn't believe the difference between her and the ex ex.
Which lead to me taking what I had for granted....if you know what I mean.

I let you please prove it!!!

Thank you faeria

Thank you too Zipped and Kimmeee.
There is no way of a getting back together option we are in the process of selling property etc etc.

Kimmeee very interesting way of looking at things.

Thank you

Sending you a huge hug of healing forgiveness.. What you did happens in so many relationships.. Complacency and selfishness.. but it is not a fatal error.. You have learned the lesson, I can see that clearly.. You will survive this and forgive and live to love again.. And the next time an opportunity to love presents itself, I know that you will remember and not make the same mistakes again.. Thank god for the ability to go on, to forgive, to love another.. You deserve that as much as anyone else.. I know that with certainty and you will too.. (((((((((pwtp)))))))))))) Kimmee

God will forgive you if you ask for forgiveness from Him.

Maybe this will help if your sincere and have faith you have hope......
divorce
Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
by Rose Sweet
Why do we find it so hard to forgive?
One reason we resist forgiving is that we don't really understand what forgiveness is or how it works. We think we do, but we don't.

Most of us assume that if we forgive our offenders, they are let off the hook scot-free and get to go about their merry ways while we unfairly suffer from their actions. We also may think that we have to be friendly with them again, or go back to the old relationship. While God commands us to forgive others, he never told us to keep trusting those who violated our trust or even to like being around those who hurt us.

The first step to understanding forgiveness is learning what it is and isn't. The next step is giving yourself permission to forgive and forget, letting go of the bitterness while remembering very clearly your rights to healthy boundaries.

Granting forgiveness
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook . We can and should still hold others accountable for their actions or lack of actions.
Forgiveness is returning to God the right to take care of justice. By refusing to transfer the right to exact punishment or revenge, we are telling God we don't trust him to take care of matters.
Forgiveness is not letting the offense recur again and again. We don't have to tolerate, nor should we keep ourselves open to, lack of respect or any form of abuse.
Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being the victim. Forgiving is not saying, "What you did was okay, so go ahead and walk all over me." Nor is it playing the martyr, enjoying the performance of forgiving people because it perpetuates our victim role.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with him again.
Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It might take some time to work through our emotional problems before we can truly forgive. As soon as we can, we should decide to forgive, but it probably is not going to happen right after a tragic divorce. That's okay.
We have to forgive every time. If we find ourselves constantly forgiving, though, we might need to take a look at the dance we are doing with the other person that sets us up to be continually hurt, attacked, or abused.
Forgetting does not mean denying reality or ignoring repeated offenses. Some people are obnoxious, mean-spirited, apathetic, or unreliable. They never will change. We need to change the way we respond to them and quit expecting them to be different.
Forgiveness is not based on others' actions but on our attitude. People will continue to hurt us through life. We either can look outward at them or stay stuck and angry, or we can begin to keep our minds on our loving relationship with God, knowing and trusting in what is good.
If they don't repent, we still have to forgive. Even if they never ask, we need to forgive. We should memorize and repeat over and over: Forgiveness is about our attitude, not their action.
We don't always have to tell them we have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.
Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive.
We might have to forgive more than the divorce. Post-divorce problems related to money, the kids, and schedules might result in the need to forgive again and to seek forgiveness ourselves.
We might forgive too quickly to avoid pain or to manipulate the situation. Forgiveness releases pain and frees us from focusing on the other person. Too often when we're in the midst of the turmoil after a divorce, we desperately look for a quick fix to make it all go away. Some women want to "hurry up" and forgive so the pain will end, or so they can get along with the other person. We have to be careful not to simply cover our wounds and retard the healing process.
We might be pressured into false forgiveness before we are ready. When we feel obligated or we forgive just so others will still like us, accept us, or not think badly of us, it's not true forgiveness it's a performance to avoid rejection. Give yourself permission to do it right. Maybe all you can offer today is, I want to forgive you, but right now I'm struggling emotionally. I promise I will work on it.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It's normal for memories to be triggered in the future. When thoughts of past hurts occur, it's what we do with them that counts. When we find ourselves focusing on a past offense, we can learn to say, "Thank you, God, for this reminder of how important forgiveness is."
Forgiveness starts with a mental decision. The emotional part of forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the resentment. Emotional healing may or may not follow quickly after we forgive.

Snoopy1165

I appreciate your post and support but it does not help my situation .
I can forgive other people but I cant forgive my self.
I would much appreciate it if you would be so kind as to advise in a nut shell, what steps I need to make to forgive myself for my "taking her for granted".

please advise if you can

It would be much appreciated.

Thank you

With God all you have to do is to ask for forgiveness. Of course, your request has to be sincere and must be accompanied by a change in your behavior. In your case it might mean also to help fix whatever mess you left behind. Apologizing for your actions would be a good start. She may not want to hear whatever you have to say and you have to be ready for that. All you can do is try. The sincere intent is what counts.

The Big Guy always forgives. Admitting you make a mistake is a good step. Now its important for you to FORGIVE YOURSELF! Do it! You can and it will help you heal. mk

Thank you Victoire

I have aplogised in fact I have never been so sincere in a apology, to everyone, her family, my family, friends.

Luckily its not a messy break up we are still good friends and are talking.

But like I say it's the guilt within me that I cannot battle!

And that horrible inside pain you get from memory triggers, dreams etc etc

Its sooooo! hard

there is always chances God forgives eternal. Seek Jesus. Learn what he says. I agree with 01Wjun. it is hard to forgive because we have to forget the wrong. Period it can never be brought up again. Ever. Old testament says a faithful wife is a crown upon a husbands head the other is a cancer in his bones. But Jesus preaches forgiveness. For if you can forgive you are blessed. He has. Why not You.