1st pre-divorce Mediation. I was so stressed out that when I got up at 6 am to get myself ready I was so sick. I nearly passed out in the shower puking. I've never had a case of the nerves so bad.

In mediation we were there to set forth criteria for finances and visitation for the next 3 months while we work out the details of the divorce. Typically the mediation stick points are MONEY and VISITATION. Many times it gets hostile and then you have to go to court to have a judge rule on the issues. Our mediation was attended by my husband, his lawyer, myself, my lawyer and a mediator.

This is what happend. HE GAVE ME EVERYTHING!!!??? I'm completely baffeled and very suspicious. We discussed the fact that I would stay in the house with the kids---agreed. I would be the primary custodian---agreed. WE discussed non disipaton of marital assets (cannot spend home equity line, cash in investments, buy a house, run of the credit card---if it happends the party who did it is responsible for paying it back)---agreed. We got to the budget and got 3/4 the way through the numbers and he finally said shes not working I'm paying I believe she won't go crazy on the bills we'll just do it like we've been doing it---agreed. Christmas---we'll spend the bonus check as in the past---agreed. VISITATION **** We discussed the fact that because my husband is a firefigher he works 24hrs on and 48 hrs off. A set schedule for visitaton is not possible. Plus his overtime comes at short notice so. He said we'd do visitation like we have been doing it. He calls asks for time and I tell him what the next few days ential and he picks a time. The lawyers strongly encouraged him to set a minimun # hrs but he didn't feel the need (I don't think he cared --he himself admitted he only saw the kids 3 times in a month). So ---agreed. We discussed the mudsliging and poor arguing behavior in front of the kids. We now have an order to be civil and not talk about anything other than the kids, visitation and finances--if we are not civil we will be in contempt of court.--agreed. The last thing was that no alcohol or significant others during visitaton for the next 90 days--HE AGREED??? He's already introduced some woman named NARDA to the kids!!!

My next thought is enforcement. If mudslinging occurs it's a he said she said. How does that stop anything? He'll continue to bring his girlfriend or what ever she is. How can I stop her. What's a contempt of court going to do? Give him a fine? It might sway the judges decision in my favor or is might not. Plus I have to catch him. My high functioning autistic son has spoken about her (Narda)and my husband denies it all. So now I have to have my son see a psychologist to determine if Narda is real or not. But what does it get me? I'm bewildered at all of this. But one thing is clear he's done with this family! I'm sad.