I have been with my husband for 10 years now, we have been married for a little over 4 years. He had an ATV accident last year and suffered a TBI. Before the accident, he was Mr. Popular... always drinking, always the life of every party. We had our daughter 2 1/2 years ago, and that didn't even settle him down. Our relationship has always been a rollercoaster, when things were good, they were great... but when things were bad... they were absolute hell. He admits now that he was an alcoholic and because of the accident, he doesn't remember alot of what happened before it. It's been a little over a year now since his accident & we were getting ready to separate and possibly get divorced when the accident happened. He was very lucky to have survived, as his TBI was severe. They removed 8% of his brain - the right frontal lobe. After weeks of hospitalization, (they didn't want to release him) he came home and the outpatient therapy started. It was difficult, but we were getting through it with help from friends & family. After he was released from therapy, they put his bone flaps back in and he was doing very well. Then he had a seizure. Which was the first of many to come... He was acting pretty normal (and by normal I mean we were fighting all the time, just like before the accident) and seemed to be his old self. Things were going down-hill fast with our marriage and I moved out. I had started the divorce process and I was going through a very messed up time in my life, but after a few months of being on my own, there was light at the end of the tunnel. Then he went in for a surgery to drain the fluid off of his brain & they discovered a very lethal infection... There was nobody else to help with the round the clock care that he needed after they released him from the hospital, so I had to move back in. I will always love him, but this felt more like a sense of duty for me. When I moved back in I said that it was temporary. After he got better, we decided to work on our marriage... and it has plateued. We aren't really fighting anymore. The alcohol is no longer a problem, but there is all this 'stuff' that is keeping me guarded. I feel like he's only 1/2 there most of the time. I know that some of it is the side effects from his meds, but I am to the point where I don't believe he will ever get better. Even the Dr's have told us that 'this is it' and that there really isn't anything more that they can do. Lately I've been losing my patience & my temper with him & I feel badly about it, but I can't help it. I do love him, but is this really it? Maybe I don't love him enough? My frineds are concerned about my happiness & my well being. All I do is go to work & then take care of him & our daughter. Sometimes I feel like I have to play the role of his mother. Every now & again (when things get bad & he's hospitalized) his family will help some, but the weight is mostly on my shoulders. I keep feeling like I'm at my rope's end... I would love to have my own life & sad to say, be free of this 'burden'. I am trying to honor our marriage vows, but it becomes very difficult at times. He was never one to show much affection, but is gone now. I get nothing from our marriage, when before atleast I got a little bit every now & then. I just don't know what to do. I am so worn down from all of the meds & Dr's... all of his depression & the fact that he refuses to take his meds sometimes... I know that his confusion & memory loss are due to the accident, but it doesn't make it any easier. And neither does this constant going back & forth on my end. If he hadn't been drinking the night of his accident, it might not ever have happened. Maybe I blame him some for what happened & is still happening to us. Our finances are in ruins, I am the only one able to work & my job dosen't offer benefits. We can only pay for the health insurance for another few months, after that it becomes unaffordable & I don't qualify for government assistance. I have alot of stress and no outlet, lol... maybe I need the meds too! Any help or insight into what I am going thru will be appreciated!!! I am not trying to be selfish & make this about me, but I just can't do this anymore. It's just too hard for all of us involved.
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