Well I think I made a breakthrough today that I never thought would be possible. I admitted to my psychiatrist that for the last 18 yrs I had been keeping secrets from him. I openly admitted that I haven't been very honest with him. I explained to him that it is still too difficult to really go into any detail about it, but that I have had so much shame about my behaviour towards people for the last 20years. I have these secrets hidden away that I am too terrified to really talk about because if I do I will fall apart, but that I have hurt people in my past just to keep myself from feeling hurt from abandonment and that feeling abandoned will kill me. It was really cathartic because he didn't say a word . He does a form of psychoanalysis where he sits behind me so it makes it easier to divulge information. Hope I didn't make him feel like I am dishonest.
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