okay so here i am very confused. i am starting to think that i am not bi, but lesbian. for ever so long now i have labeled myself bi. i have never had sex, but i have had numerous experiences with both men and women without penetration. i am confused as to what the truth is because.. when i've been with a guy i don't really find anything other than their face or butt cute and though my heart was pounding when making out with them, i didn't really like the tongue jammed down my throat. . and i think that was really why my heart pounded. whenever i was making out with a guy i thought to myself "do i really like this? am i really enjoying this?" most of the time i was forcing myself to say that i was that i forced myself to like it. whenever with a girl i got excited and wanted to go further, whereas the only way i wanted to go further with a guy is if he would .... me out. i'm confused because.. i don't know. i just don't know. is it normal not to be attracted to anything on a male but his face and butt?! i think that i could possibly enjoy sex with a male once penetrated... but i don't know.. i don't really like the way they feel. and the guys i usually am attracted to, find attracted in other words, are pretty boys. i don't think i actually am attacted to them, i think that i think they are attractive looking. but i don't necessarily feel anything myself. i often find myself trying to force myself into checking out guys, but i realize now that i only ever really check out women. people say go sleep with someone of each and find out, but i am a virgin and that is sacred to me. i want to be with someone for a very long time when i do get in a relationship and i need to figure this out now because i am being eaten alive with these thoughts. any guy that i ever thought i had a crush on i now realize that i didn't really crush on them unless they were extremely girly looking in one way or another or if i respected them intellectually. Can anyone help me figure out these feelings please? I am begging here.. Cuz I am beyond confused... or rather.. i think i may just be too against the idea of being just a lesbian, which i don't get because i am friends and family with lesbians and they don't bother me. i just have a problem being one myself... i don't know i don't know.
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