I'm with you on this. I really struggle with it! Worst of all, I have a massive crush on my best friend and she is straight. I wish I could just do this as easily as I can with men!

I have had physical relationships with more women who originally claimed to not be bi then ones who say they are.....its about the person usually I think.

I swear we need a secret handshake or something..

OMG! We so need a secret handshake or something. Signals, code words anything that would make this whole thing a lot easier. Personally, I think that even though a woman is "straight", if you have the right personality, she just might swing your way for a little while if not forever. You have to give her time to adjust to the thought of it though. You can't just hit her over the head with it.

thats true but it doesnt really help for a long term relationship. sooner or later, the straight ones will want to go back to the guys

I guess I would think you can begin trying to be friends and approach her just like you would any one you wanted to be friends with. After a while of being friends, whether it is 5 minutes or a few weeks, months, etc., she may learn about your "sexual status" should you decide to tell her and if she is uncomfortable with it, she'll fade away from you. If she is interested as well, you'll see that and the more friendly and trusting the two of you become, the more you can share your feelings and tell her how you feel about her. Of course the bar scene is always an easy way to go about it which is what I did when I was first on the prowl. Go to a gay or lesbian bar and you can pretty much assume the women there are gay, if they are not, they will probably share that with you right away!

lol im so scared of bars! lol idk y.
i wish there was like a.....gay..book store or something lol....or like...a gay coffee place. *sigh* I'm hopeless arent I?
I should just face it. I'm dying a spinster.

....ill be like the cat lady on the simpsons loll.

No! Don't think of it that way! Do you live in a city? Usually, any city has some gay culture. You don't have to go to gay bars by any means. It's just kind of a quick fix type option. Gay book stores/coffee shops are pretty darn popular, even if they don't advertise. You could even go to a bookstore and ask about a related book and then ask the clerk if she/he knows of a gay friendly bookstore/coffee shop.

...are you ready for this?

I live in the San Francisco bay area. loll yupp.. America's gay capital. lolll!
*sigh...i so need balls.

Okay sownz! There you go ... see how great it is talking with others? It helps get to the bottom of issues, even if you don't want to go there ... I know because it's been happening to me since I've been on this site. After my last post here I did look on your site to see where you lived and I thought CA would be more on the easy side of finding what you are looking for.

I am shy also! I totally understand where you are coming from! Maybe even it could be harder for you being on the shy side and serious about trying to find a woman partner and there is so much going on in your city that you may have to be careful about who you are connecting with. I think a good option for you may be to do something like Ave just told us she did. By going to the Gay Bi Lesbian and Transgendered Center. Maybe you can look into that in your city and go there and join a new group, one that pertains to you for starts, so that you may be able to find someone to pal around with while you look for romance. You don't have to automatically connect with someone you are attracted to, that could be too overwhelming. I think it would be better to look for a friend at first and make it clear to the pal that is all you are seeking. That way you'll have a friend to help you along the way and you can also be a friend to help someone along the way. If you already have an open-minded friend that can go to the center with you that would be even better! Well I've got to go now but it was nice chatting with you.

I am not old enough to go into bars....so I can't really find people that way. I love the secret hand shake idea. They need to have gay clubs, but not just in the city because I live an hour from San Fransico.

maybe I will google search for gay clubs and book stores and stuff. I also might go to a gay and lesbian support group thing near where I live...I figure that I might be able to pick up someone there. I wish it was as easy as men.

Love this discussion!
I think the secret handshake idea is amazing and now I'm thinking about what that handshake might be. It would have to be clear enough to be recognized as a "come on", but subtle enough not to be miscontrued if the other women isn't at all interested.
Hmmm, any ideas?
I also agree with Ave that the friendship is the best beginning and the connection comes after that, so start out just by moving towards women you have a simple friendly interest in.
Ave

You know for me, the "gaydar" thing applies. It's obvious to other gay women that I am gay and vice versa. Of course then there are the others that I think are gay that turn out not to be or at least they don't want to be. I realize our culture is changing more and more everyday & I haven't been in the loop, so not sure if I am talking dinosaur times here. It is not often that people act "that" interested in you at first. For you, sownz, I would also google gay/lesbian or bi coffee shops in San Fran since you are not into the club scene and since you make mention about the coffee shop, like Cassand said. That's cool that Cassand lives nearby also ... maybe the two of you can try to pal around but I know an hour is far away.

lol again..thanks highway. I get mixed signals from the girls at my school. loll Idk. I think everyone who smiles or looks at me's a flaming 'mo. And then right after I smile back, I feel stupid cuz i realize that it's not so haha. I'll definitely do the google thing. Cassand babez, keep me updated if you find a good place to meet people. I gotta get over this shyness thing. I swear it's lethal lol.