
Bisexuality Support Group
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, and/or sexual attraction of individuals to other individuals of both their own and the opposite gender or sex. Most bisexuals are not equally attracted to men and women, and may even shift between states of finding either sex exclusively attractive over the course of time.
During our time in college we got better acquainted but she did things, subtle things that left me wondering did she want me as a friend or as something more. At that time I didn't want to believe that she might be interested in me nor did I want to face that I was interested in her despite the obvious internal questioning of my sexuality. The closer she tried to get to me the more I tried to distance myself. Eventually she slipped from my life without a trace. That was eleven years ago and I've been haunted by her memory ever since.
When I was a young girl I had a dream that has stayed with me. I dreamt that an older woman came to me and said "You will have two loves." I really didn't know what it meant but while I was growing up and going through college I just assumed it meant I would have two career paths that I would be passionate about. But now I understand what it meant. Sometimes you just know. You just know when someone is right for you, that they are the person you will spend the rest of your life with. That's how I feel about my husband. He is love number two. The young woman back in college, she was my number one. She was that one woman I would have wanted to spend my life with if I hadn't of been so afraid. But I let her slip away and that's a regret I'll carry with me 'til my dying day. Since her I have met other women and although some were wonderful none have compared. None have completely captured my soul the way she did. Maybe they caught my eye and maybe even stirred my heart but never my soul. So yes, I do believe in love at first sight but what you do when it happens is another story.
The most memorable I recall is inpired by Mercuryrayne's story. It too occurred in college (ahh those curious years-lol). Anyway, I was in a sociology class with a small group of 8 among other groups and this one girl reminded me of Jewel the singer, but much prettier. I never looked at her or gave her a second thought. I didn't even really speak to her during our first few classes. Suddenly, late one night when buying stuff with friends at the nearby college drug store across campus, I heard my name. The cashier was HER!!! Then I noticed how beautiful she was. Was it because she recognized me and took the opportunity to say hello?...I don't know. Then another random meeting I was in a hurry to the library where I had a sharp pain in my side. I cramped and sat down on the steps. When I turned to raise my head and catch my breath, who was there ? Yes, Miss Young, Blonde, and Beautiful smiling on me. She asked if I was alright. I said yes. Suddenly I wasn't in pain any longer...
She too was on her way to the library but then I realized I had something else to do before my next class, and was disappointed to let this opportunity go by.
From then on, every time I thought I saw her back pack, my heart would jump thinking it was her. Sometimes it was, but I restrained the impulse to follow. I was going through my moral dilemmas betwixt with resigning to such feelings and what I felt also instinctually to my own temperment what still didn't feel right.
I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go out for lunch after class one day, but again I bit my tongue.
One fateful night(it was strange how we would keep bumping into each other), I had a group meeting for another class (a women's studies class, which ironically was exploring sexuality issues-go figure-and developing a web site for a class project).
Our group was to meet at a bagel shop. No one arrived until late because I had to call some members to remind them. It was a brief meeting but before that I waited outside to use the pay phone (before cell phones were en vogue). Lo and behold...da da da (fill in dramatic music here) here comes Miss Beautiful again! I asked how she was and what she was up to. She said she was going to do laundry with her boyfriend....I nodded and smiled sheepishly, but I can't remember what I said, Perhaps, something like"Oh that's nice." And then she left. I didnt bear to let my eyes follow her. I felt by that point, the mention of the boyfriend was a dropped hint that either she was no longer comfortable with me (thinking that our accidental meetings were not so accidental-if you know what I mean-lol).
She cooled off a bit the rest of the quarter. I was a bit saddened. That moment reminds me of what I feel now with a current "love" that I know is forbidden and the flame has died.
Perhaps this wasn't a love at first sight, but it was perhaps a love at FIRST seeing into her eyes.
P.S. Mercury, I too feel like she slipped through. Later a couple years, I found out she lived near me! I ate at a pizza place with another college friend who came to visit. I believe I recognized one of the servers/hosts to be her.
Funny how life turns out. eh