It's twisted, I know it is but I picked the fight. Not a literal one. Something playful that's all it was. I kept throwing stuff at her. Playfully calling her name even flicked a couple of rubber bands at her until one hit the side of her face. I took off running and from behind me all I heard was "I'm gonna kick your f---ing ass!" I jumped into my seat and curled up to protect my head. First there was a slap to my right leg then I felt the firm grip of two hands wrap around the back of my neck as she began to choke me. Not hard. None of this was hard or painful. It was all play. I laughed until my stomach hurt but inside I felt so silly because I just wanted her to touch me. There have been times where I've walked in and wanted to softly wrap my arms around her and say "Good morning." There have been times where I've wished that she would ask me to go to lunch with her and every day that goes by where she doesn't, I sit and wonder where does she go for those 30 minutes. I tell myself that it's not a crush and that I shouldn't be alarmed at the fact that I feel so naked whenever she looks into my eyes. I'm okay, I really am but my thoughts get all foggy and I can't help but try to sneak a peek at her when she's not looking. Is all this playfulness masking something else? Does she sense it? If so, why is she playing along? I keep telling myself that we don't really have that much in common. We come from different backgrounds, we have different life experiences, we don't even like the same kind of music but I can't seem to help feeling tickled inside when I see her smile or hear her laugh, especially if I'm the one who's causing her to do so. It's not a crush, really it isn't even though on days when she's not there I feel a little empty inside. I wonder what does she think of me or if she thinks of me at all once she leaves the office? Does she smell my perfume when I'm by her? Am I attractive enough for her? What would it take to get her to like me? But this is not a crush, really it isn't. Crushes don't have 30 year old women chasing each other around the office physically abusing one another. Does it?
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