My problem. Its simple really. Its my feelings for B. i have to block them out because she isn't the person I am with, I will marry, I will spend my life with. But. she draws my eye. she sees into me, she touches me in so many ways. She sits beside me, looking at me, and I really see her. I see what is obviously there, her physical presence, the curve of her breasts, the line of her neck, the depth of her amber eyes. And I see the other things, the deeper things. To the core of who she is. The things that haven't changed and the things that have since we were friends before. I know putting the internal wall up will prevent me from seeing those things about her and stop her really seeing me, but I don't know whether it is sustainable. Whether I can keep her at arms length and not lose the special friendship we have. I need a way to keep her out, to keep both of us safe, emotionally, until we have moved on. I need to know how to do that. My friends said I have to harden my heart to her, to not care, but thats the point isn't it? I do care. I need to know how to change things without it changing everything.
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