I wish I felt comfortable in high heels. I wish that wearing an elegant spaghetti strapped dress made me feel like a lady. I wish that lacy lingerie filled me with feelings of sexiness. I wish that I could pull off that look that is so often portrayed by models in magazines like Harper's Bazzar or Cosmo. You know the look, "Look at me, I'm a woman." But more often than not I feel like I'm faking it. My husband constantly tells me that I'm all woman to him but sometimes I feel like I'm doing some kind of impersonation. I have to remind myself to act "feminine" or otherwise I might put him off. What's strange though is exhibiting too much masculinity makes me feel uncomfortable and distant from who I am within. I feel out of place, not being able to comfortably fit into either gender role. Sometimes I wish that humans were created with both sex organs that way one's gender would be more so determined by one's mood rather than by one's sex. Then again what would be the need for gender roles if we have both sex organs. I mean when you look at it isn't that what gender roles rest upon; what's between your legs? If we had both we would have to find something else to divide ourselves with.

I've been struggling lately with my gender identity in light of being bisexual. The only solution that I feel most comfortable with is finding a balanced blend of both genders. I guess that would put me more along the lines of being psychologically androgynous but how do you even express such a thing? How would someone go about trying to make their outer appearance match up with their internal world that's both masculine and feminine or neither? Is it possible to be emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually androgynous? And if so is there a name for such people?
Mercury