i was in this discussion on this site called lavendervisions.com. i was asking about bisexuality and being in a relationship with my man. i felt like i was being judged by this one particular woman. another woman thinks im playing with fire because i have a man and want to date a woman at the same time, am i?

what is the true definition about bisexual? they are saying its not about dating a man and a woman, im like thats what it is. if not, plz enlighted me on what it actually means. this is what one of the women said

"Being commited to your fiance/husband and having sex with both him and a series of women doesn't necessarily make you bisexual. It makes you a swinger with bisexual attractions.

It doesn't matter if you are "swinging" with another man or another woman; the primary theme of what you are looking for is "married, with a thing on the side."

I would stop equating the nature of what you want with your "bisexuality." That's how bisexuals have been erroneously viewed over the ages and how they've ended up in the mess they're in re: their "questionable" fidelity -- ads all over the place from "bicurious" married chicks just wanting sex.

Women aren't steering clear of your bisexuality. They're steering clear of your swinging, because it implies a lack of investment and commitment -- something most of the lesbians (and bisexuals I know) WANT.

There are many many MONOGOMOUS bisexuals. Alan Cummings and our own NicNic and Virago to name three.

Get a clue."

"No, being with both a man and a woman at the SAME TIME is NOT the definition of bisexuality.

Bisexuality is having the CAPACITY to be sexually attracted to EITHER men or women."

"OK, I answered this earlier in good faith that it was not a wind-up, but am thinking that either it is a wind-up, or some folks don't get it. In case it is really that you seriously don't get it:

You have confused two entirely independent dimensions here.

Straight--Bisexual--Lesbian

Bisexual means having the capacity to me attracted to men OR to women. It has *nothing* to do with having multiple relationships. It is one of the hugest stigmas that bisexuals have to face, the assumption that bisexual means multiple sexual relationships. Most bisexuals are MONOGAMOUS!

Bisexual identity is subtly different, but let's just stick with mastering the easy bits first, eh.

The sexuality dimension has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with multiple relationships:

Open relationships--Polyamory--Monogamy

Polyamory means a COMMITTED set of relationships that involves more than two people. It absolutely needs everyone in that relationship to be polyamory oriented. It is very open; it is entirely dependent on good open communication.

Open relationships mean that the partners are agreed to allow other NON-COMMITTED sexual encounters, provided that you are open about who you are seeing. The partner often has a right of veto. This is also known as swinging.

Cheating can occur in any of these structures. Cheating is when you have a (usually sexual) relationship without your partner's knowledge."

"I hope I can help this discussion by clarifying some of the terms that women are using in response to your message. I actually gave a presentation this weekend on Bisexuality to a group of Phila. counselors. The definition of bisexualiy is "being sexually responsive to both sexes." There have been some wonderful discussions in the archives of this board about bisexuality. I suggest you search the archives for those discussions.
Being bisexual suggests that you have the ability to love and/or feel sexual toward both genders, not necessarily at the same time. In fact, studies have shown that most bisexuals still have a preference for one gender over the other. And that preference may change from time to time. Being bisexual doen't rule out the ability to commit to a single monogamous relationship. After all, we all can be attracted to other people (same or opposite sex) after we've made a commitment to a partner. We then must choose whether to act on that desire or not. Some people who are bisexual feel unfulfilled if they don't have involvement with both a man and a woman at the same time, but most don't feel that is necessary. If you feel this need, you are essentially saying that you feel the need to be non-monogamous, and that is fine. This is not true for many bisexuals.
For some women, bisexuality is a stage that they go through on their way to coming out as lesbian. For others, bisexuality is the orientation that defines them. Many women on this board are trying to find a sexual identity that feels comfortable to them and allows them to be open with others about themselves. Secrecy about oneself can be difficult and ultimately can interfere with the general intimacy of a primary relationship. When both partners are open about their sexuality and their behavior, there are more possibilities for developing closeness and making decisions about life together. You have a lot to think about as you move into a new commitment with your fiance. Does he know about your search for women? How would he feel about it if he doesn't know? How authentic are you being with him? All kinds of arrangements and unions can work when there is a backdrop of honesty and integrity. If you start out with secrets, they will tend to permeate the marriage. If you are open, all kinds of possibilities can develop."

the author of the book, married women who love women, Joanne, was saying that studies have shown that bisexuals prefer to be in monogamous relationships anyway. im not interested in studies, a study cant determine a person'a sexuality.

anyone have any opinions?